I became all that I was sick of seeing men be, and in my demure gentle way, I became a player at 47. That's me... "The Other Woman".
I know that many of my species are innocent, didn't know and are such decent women that when they did find out the man they loved was taken, they bailed. Not me. I not only knew of the wives of the men I was seeing, but I PLANNED it that way, finding married men to be far more of what I wanted, what I needed. They were stable and sure and would never fall in love with me, ask for things I was not ready or willing to give and I could break their hearts with good reason. I was tough, I was ruthless and I had no shame about it.
Some "Other Women" claim love is the villain, that they never meant "this to happen". That wasn't me either. I didn't love them but am more of the serial dater, the woman no man can have. Their dream, elusive, exotic and not their wife. Sometimes that's all that really matters.
If you happen to be the wife of a man who kept me as the other woman, I guess I have some explaining to do.
See, I never really wanted your husband, the very reason for choosing married men. I only wanted that part of him that you weren't using anyway... whatever, in your case, that may have been.
If you were cold and unfeeling, I brought him warmth, respect and conversation... laughter. If you were domineering, I could let him be the leader, my hero and Lord. If you were sexually repressed, if you doled out the nightly rejections, I was there to give him all that you wouldn't and more. I would hear his fantasies and then feed them back to him one by one. I became his drug and his obsession.
But you must understand that all I wanted was to be important to someone and making a downtrodden married guy feel like a real man does have it's rewards. I was flown in private planes to concerts, drank the most lovely wine and rarely would one of them take a trip without bringing me something pretty back. It may have been you in his hotel room for that week, but it was me he ran home to and me that he missed.
Or maybe you weren't there and I was, and in that case I likely chose YOUR "welcome home" gift. He would tell me stories about you, how unhappy he was, how he loved his children so much that he couldn't possibly leave, and I, being the understanding lover and friend, would hold him while he talked, make him feel as if he COULD be a man with me, that you must not be seeing something in him that I could and in that way I became precious and rare, his oasis.
I never spoke badly of you, but defended you actually, made it easy for him to tell me all of his troubles. He always appreciated not having to lie about being married and not having to hide anything from me, but only wanted me all the more for my understanding, my support and my caring attitude.
You must understand that I never loved him, nor did I ask that he love me and if he showed signs of anything CLOSE to that, I was the one who would stop answering the phone. I wanted the dates and the wine, his kisses and his bed, but you can have the children, the house and the wedding ring. You can also have the bills, the arguments and the everyday life. I was strictly the stuff of holidays and special nights out, of sparkle and glitter and late nights in expensive restaurants, weekends in the best hotels. You may have been his wife, but I was his bride.
You will hate me of course, but i don't hate you. In fact, do you recall when your marriage suddenly improved? When he suddenly took a turn for the better, paid closer attention, became such a sweet lover and you wondered why? Yeah... that was me too. See I was once a social worker counseling couples and when your husband became too much, or even too little, I knew exactly how to send him home to Mama... by helping him to make his marriage just a little happier. There's nothing like a woman to tell a man what women want.
Did I ever feel guilty? Not really, because I didn't want that part of him that you married, but the part you pushed away. And no, I never loved him, but I did like him a lot and I tried to make him feel like a man and I succeeded too. Why else do you think he would throw over a night with you to be with me instead? Simply because I made him feel as he was meant to. And I didn't ask for a thing in return.
Now, the funny thing is that about a year ago I did fall in love. Oh no, don't worry. He's not one of yours, but a completely single man. He's free with no wife and doesn't have even so much as a child tucked away to take his attention from me. He is also in love, belongs completely to me and I am finally out of your hair. I'll not be seducing your husband again.
There is a small problem though. See, he isn't just a man I am in love with, but "The Other Man". It just so happens that I'm married too.