When I remarried seven years ago, both my husband and I came into the marriage with thirteen year old daughters. My daughter went to her dad's every other weekend. My step daughter lived with us, and never stayed overnight with her mother. My daughter was an honor roll student. My step daughter attended a different school, and just made grades well enough to get by. My daughter had curfews. My step daughter did not.

Trying to enforce rules for one child while the other gets by with things is hard enough. But when the step daughter constantly says, you are not my mother!, it gets even worse. Then my husband, would tell me not to disapline his daughter. Next the ex wife would call and complain about things going on in our house!

Protecting your second wife from your first wife, should be the most important aspect in a second marriage. A husband should stand beside his wife and back her, especially to the ex wife. Step children take their parents' lead. If a parent doesn't back the new spouse, the step children learn to ignore the new spouse, and the new parent loses their respect. The step children should never complain to the "absent" parent, but if this happens, the parent should tell the ex that what happens in our house is our business.

I never abuse by step daughter. Although the thought of turning her over my knee, has been a passing thought! I'm merely talking about taking away privileges for lying, bad grades, staying out late, etc. But you would think I'm as bad as Cinderella's stepmother!

I should have approached curfews and disipline before I remarried. Rules should have been discussed among both the parents and children involved. But since that didn't happen in my case, parents should back each other in disputes.

When the ex calls, the spouse should definantly back the new spouse. The new spouse deserves respect!

Both parents should stand united in front of the children and discuss the situation away from the children. Then if a different goal is reached, both should go to the children and explain the change.

My husband doesn't realize the damage he has done by letting his daughter walk all over me. And this is turn, allows the ex wife to walk all over me as well. Two sets of rules for two children doesn't work. Compromises need to be made.

But most of all, ex spouses should have NO say so in the home she left!

Learn more about this author, Lauren Rogers.
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