by Rosalie Vincent

Created on: June 11, 2008

Drawing the Line

You know something, this is why I don't usually watch TV. Well, except for maybe one or two shows, and now I'm even wondering if it's just better to rent the things from the video store instead. Yeah I'll be a season behind, but who cares. It may just be worth it to be absent the Gretzky-check my brain gets every time the borage of idiotic commercials come on. We've all had this discussion, yes, I know, but this time it's really just gone too far.

I mean honestly, did you know that pregnancy tests were now digital? Simpler than ever? Now.... OK, yes I understand it's been a while since I've had to peruse that particular aisle in the grocery store, but last I remember it was like, a line, or not. Maybe a touch of math involved with the one line or two variety and a happy little plus or minus symbol for the particularly advanced, but that's about as college degree as it got. So help me here, but we need circuitry for this product why? Seriously, do you know that the thing now scrolls the words "pregnant" or "not pregnant" for you?

Because the line...... is too complicated.

OK, so I just need to know one thing, are there really people out there having meltdowns in the bathroom at Costco because the pink line is kicking their ass?

"Stupid! Stupid! I wish they'd make one without these effing symbols!"

Tell me, are there honestly people thank-Godding themselves into Nirvana because of this oh-so handy innovation? What else are we going to sic technology on in order to simplify it? Lipstick? Hair brushes? Hey how about pants that can just sense when you have to go thanks to a state-of-the-art infrared bio-sensor that sits, mm, about bladder high and automatically unzips you when detecting the pressurization of specially vented bathroom stalls (soon to be standard in Walmarts everywhere)? Yeah! Damn, I think I could be a millionaire. Where's my sketch pad?

Folks, someone was paid to come up with this digital test idea and worse, some company thought it was pressing enough a need to pay no less than an obscene amount of money for it. I don't know if I should be more disturbed by the fact that our society has either sunk to the silt of the gene pool, or that our commercial enterprises just think it has and will therefore begin steering it there. Be on the lookout for insults to your intelligence everywhere. Man, where do we draw the line?

Oh wait, it's apparently obsolete.

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