by Elizabeth Rogers

Created on: June 11, 2008

"Look both ways before you cross the street!" That admonition has been repeated so often that it is highly unlikely that there is anyone who has not heard it, seen the value in it and hopefully employs it on a regular basis. The quest to "improve our personalities" comes with a similar type of advice that is relevant to every day life. "Do it on the inside; take it to the outside."

The first thing that we need to come to terms with is that we can't change our personalies, what we can do is adapt to our environment and change our behavior. Each person comes wired in a certain way from inside of their mother's womb. Hippocrates is the first person credited with sorting and naming four basic personality types and he used bodily fluids as the basis by which he made his determinations. Today we would more likely understand what he said if we put it in different terms: the first type is the perfectionist/analytical, the second the might-makes-right/leader, the third the peace-loving/friend, and the forth is the popular/enthusiast. There are books and personality tests available almost everywhere we turn, so it would be a simple thing to discover the way we are naturally geared.

The thing that is crucial in making improvements in our social behavior is that we see that we have a positive and a negative side to our personalities and it matters that we learn to be the best we can be while still being ourselves. We can't improve our personality by trying to become someone else. We can learn how others are geared and what the best way is to approach a relationship with them. We can admit to ourselves that there are some behaviors that society approves of, in general, and some that are not condoned, and we can make it our business to be considerate of those norms even as we value self-expression within them.

It is difficult, if not impossible, to please everyone all of the time. Self-improvement is not the same as gaining total affirmation in the opinion of the rest of the world. It comes through an honest and informed look inside, highlighting our strengths and minimizing our weaknesses through hard work and self-recognition of success. It comes with admitting our times of poor behavior to ones we may have hurt and asking for forgiveness. It comes with receiving forgiveness and moving forward towards a better tomorrow.

Self-awareness is not the same thing as being self-focused or self-centered. A self-focused or self-centered person looks at others and thinks that they should change. A self-aware person looks within themselves and holds themselves responsible for healthy choices and behavior on the outside.

Acknowledging that we are not alone and that we cannot fully rely on ourselves is imperative to an improved life. Trusting that we were made in a certain image leads us to look towards our created nature. This leads us to look to God, the One who designed our inmost parts and cares very deeply about who we become. All of the self-improvement advice in the world is not going to amount to much if we try to go it all alone. We were not meant to be alone or to be self-sufficient. God is with us and is more than willing to be our help. Tap in to the "good life" and the change will last for a lifetime.

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