by Selina J

Created on: June 11, 2008

When you are pregnant, you have visions of being the greatest mother on the planet. By the time your child reaches the age of three, you are hoping that you are not the world's worst mother! Thankfully, you are neither the best nor the worst mother - you are just a mother, and on most days that is good enough.

I admit that I had visions of perfect motherhood. After all, I had a lot of experience with other people's children from several years of babysitting, teaching swimming lessons and other courses, as well as working in a group home with children who have severe behavioral disorders. I felt ready, like I could handle anything.

So why, now that I have a five year old and a three year old, do I find myself some days on the brink of insanity? Why could I, once upon a time, easily captivate the attention of thirty children, yet these two beings that sprung from my own body seem cannot seem to listen to me?

I have learned that experience with children doesn't equate ease of motherhood. Babysitting, teaching, working with kids are all temporary while motherhood is 24-7. And there is no such thing as a "good" mother. I have learned that some days, just "being mother" is good enough for my children.

Mothers talk to each other, which can be a wonderful thing, but also may plant ideas in your head that you are not doing the right things, or not doing enough things. It is best to not compare yourself to other mothers. It is obvious, but other mothers have different children whose needs are not the same as the needs of your child(ren).

Our daughter is a special needs child who physically cannot handle as much as typical children her age. I had always envisioned myself taking the kids to parks for hours, going to amusement parks, camping, etc. Until this year, she was too fragile for such activities. This was difficult to accept, but I realized that being good to your children may mean not being the mom you thought you would be... But being the mom you have to be, the mom that your children need.

Her special needs lead me to try several different parenting methods that I never thought I would try, such as co-sleeping and bathing together to increase the mother-infant bond. She opened my eyes in many ways, and I am thankful for that. She made me into the mother that she needed because I responded to her needs. I'm not sure if that makes me a good mother, but I am her mother.

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