by Roger Kraemer

Created on: June 11, 2008

With Father's Day rapidly approaching, dads are looking forward to their special day with an odd mixture of excitement and trepidation. While every gift is certainly appreciated, some are appreciated more than others.

Here are a few of the less appreciated:

Soap on a rope - Yes, it's become a cliche, but for good reason. Why on earth would soap need a rope? Who thought of this in the first place? What genius was unaware that showers and tubs almost universally have soap dishes?

Socks - There is just nothing fun about socks and nothing fun can come from socks, unless the socks in question are made into puppets. Bare feet are infinitely more fun than be-socked feet, and if you need boring old socks, you can buy them yourself.

Underwear - See "Socks" above.

Necktie or neckties - How many of us even wear ties anymore? And when we did, did any of the ties we received as gifts ever truly reflect the image we were trying to convey, or our own image of ourselves? Did you ever receive a paisley when you are strictly a regimental guy? Or vice versa? Generally, ties are better left ungifted and unworn.

Cheap cologne - Unless you want to go to work smelling like a florist's shop, discourage this one. If you notice reflections in the elevator door of people holding their noses, you'll know that cologne discretion would have been the better part of cologne valor.

Fast food gift cards - Didn't anyone see Supersize Me? What good is a $10 McDonalds' Gift Card going to do for anyone, except to add roughly a pound and a point of bad cholesterol, per dollar? Although you can eat for a week on $10 at McDonalds, is it worth the health risks?

Colorful cell phone cases, skins, or holsters - Frankly, if I am out in public and anything about my cell phone is colorful, it will totally destroy my entire pretense of competence and professionalism.

Fake watches - A green wrist does not make for a good day in anyone's world. Nor does being late because your Polex watch decided to stop keeping time for no apparent reason. Try to explain to the person interviewing you for that perfect job, why you showed up 90 minutes late.

Nine bad gifts all in a row. Nine bad gifts that I think could generate some consensus, in terms of terrible-ness. Nine bad gifts that is, unless one or all of them is given to you by one or all of your children. Then, at least until next Father's Day, they might just be the greatest gifts you ever got.

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