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The past two years have been a nightmare for me with my weight. I have continued to gain weight even though I have felt like I was doing enough to stop the weight gain. Nothing seems to have been helping. I finally realized that I'm not doing enough to really lose weight. Oh, I've told myself that I've cut back on eating and drinking and I'm exercising more, but I'm not. I've tried to blame my weight gain on my hypothyroidism, which I'm sure is not helping matters but I know that it is not the main culprit. The bottom line is that I've become lazy and I eat too much.

It's really hard sometimes to really face the truth about yourself but I have finally come to terms with the fact that I just simply am not doing enough exercise or cutting back on food to really make a dent in my weight loss goals. The truth of the matter is, I've allowed myself to make up more and more excuses for not putting in enough effort to really change my lifestyle.

I know there are other people out there who are coming to this same realization but what do you do about it? You get up off your butt and put the bag of chips up and don't go by a case of beer and drink it in three days.

It has taken over a year for me to really look at myself with an honest assessment of what is really causing my weight gain and it hurts. It hurts to know that I have let myself down and that I have been lying to myself for a long time now. Taking responsibility is actually the easy part, it's getting up a little earlier to workout, not stopping at McDonald's to get something to eat because it's easier than cooking, and not using food and alcohol to deal with my depression that is hard. It's almost like being in AA. I have to take things one day at a time. Yesterday I did great. I didn't eat very much and I worked out. Today, I ate too much but I did work out so hopefully I balanced things out. Tomorrow I'll try not to eat to much and I'll try to do a few sit ups. It sounds simple enough but tomorrow when I have to get up I will probably hit the snooze buttom a few extra times and use the excuse of not having ten extra minutes to do push ups to keep me from doing the exercises. Hopefully I won't do that but every day I have to talk myself into doing more so I can get this extra weight off.

What makes things worse is that I used to be so into body building that I would get up two hours before I was supposed to go to work to workout and now I have to fight with myself every morning to get up ten minutes early to workout. I keep wanting to find that magic potion to turn me back into the person I used to be but I know that can't happen and I'm going to have to deal with the person I am now.

I am going to have to accept the fact that I'm overweight. I'm going to have to accept the fact that it took several years to get this way and it will take several months to get back down again. It will take determination, willpower and courage to face myself every day with the promise to change myself and my life.

Hopefully my rejuvinated ideas and plans will carry me through to a smaller, healthier me but that remains to be seen. Good luck to the rest of you out there going through the same thing. May be all find a healthy and enduring happy place.

Learn more about this author, Tina Brewster.
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