by Pauline Clementson

Created on: June 10, 2008

Should adult children adopt an attitude of gratitude towards their parent?

No I donnot.
The love of a child for its parent is natural and healthy. Even gratitude is acceptable up to a point but can turn sour and make a persons life hell.

It is our parent's choice to have children, not the child's. Love and respect are the main commodities for a strong and healthy relationship between a parent and child. To carry these emotions on through childhood to adulthood is natural.

There are certainly times when gratitude is expected and acceptable i.e.; a special toy, a trip to the zoo that you've wanted to do for a long time etc. These acts teach the young person the appropriate use of gratitude.

As an adult, if Mum or Dad do something to help you out, it's nice to feel grateful to them and nicer still if you tell them thank-you'. If an Adult child does feel gratitude towards a parent, it is something they must give freely and not something that is demanded.

There are cases where a parent has become very controlling of their child or children and have demanded gratitude for their existence throughout the child's life. This usually equates with a lack of love in the home and a big helping of resentment. Naturally, in those circumstances, gratitude for a parent turns into a very unhealthy emotion.

A woman of my acquaintance has tried to demand gratitude from her two daughters since birth. Both girls had a very mixed-up childhood. Neither girl knew if their mother loved them or resented them. Now as adults, both girls will have very little to do with their mother. It is She that is missing out on the lives of her daughters and grandchildren because she demanded gratitude instead of evoking love and respect.

There are many differences between love and gratitude but those two emotions seem to get mixed up very easily. The idea of a person having to adopt an attitude of gratitude towards a parent is not acceptable. A person cannot be forced into giving love nor can a person be forced into giving gratitude to a parent or anyone else. You can pretend to feel these emotions but unless you are a very accomplished liar, it's on the cards that you will be found out.

From a parent's view, I would be devastated if I thought my Children felt obliged to feel gratitude towards me for bringing them into this world and raising them to adulthood. What I have done in the past for them, or will do in the future, is done out of love for them and their offspring. Not because I want them to feel grateful towards me.

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