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while you are even maybe just considering leaving, considering getting help, remember a few small things that may help you to stay safer in the meantime...

Gather up personal papers, insurance cards and driver's license and make copies. Give them to the friend that you tell of your situation. You may need them later and not be able to get to them.

When the next battle erupts, try to keep it out of the kitchen or the garage. These are the two most dangerous places in your home due to the possible weapons available there.

Remove heavy objects that can be thrown or used against you, if at all possible. If you can safely rid the house of guns and knives, do so. They are the number one danger to you, even if he has never used one before.

Keep a cell phone charged and ON YOU at all times, if possible. Wear clothes with pockets for the phone, a few dollars and identification. If you ever need to leave in a hurry, you will have at least some of what you will need, and USE THAT PHONE. Do call 911 if you are threatened.

Unless you are in direct fear of your life, DO NOT leave your children behind. Sometimes a case can be made for abandonment and at the very least, in many states, he could be granted temporary emergency custody, which often influences permanent custody.

Having mentioned children, I am not going to say much on that. You already know this is damaging to them, and they are often the chief reason why a woman finally decides to leave. I know the guilt is heavy where they are concerned, but the worst thing that can happen to them besides possibly being injured by the abuser (even by accident due to being "in the line of fire) is to lose you. If you owe them anything, it is a safe and happy parent, one who is loved and nurtured herself. We cannot give away what we do not have for ourselves.

And please, don't minimize this. Don't put it off. Even if it is only verbal abuse that you can see just now, it could be more tomorrow and your happiness matters. You still have every right to be with other survivors seeking safety and there are so many support groups, places where comfort and information can save your life. Please seek them out. These people can help you make a plan to be free.

Please know that you CAN be free from a life of fear, a life of injury and abuse. Think about what you would like your life to look like and know that not only do you deserve just that, but that it is possible, that others, many others, have successfully left their abusive partner.

One more thing: if you read the above and decided for sure that you are NOT in an abusive relationship, you may still be unhappy. That matters too. So many women think that they must be mistreated to complain, to ask for more, to leave an unhealthy relationship, that if he is not harming them they have no right to walk. We all deserve to be cared for, to seek out those we feel best with. You are no different.

The important thing is not to suffer alone. If you are unhappy, abused, fearful or confused, share that with someone and do it NOW. Don't sit and wonder. We all need someone sometimes and there are people who care for and love you, who will want to help. Let someone help you to make your life a good place to live, something to be proud of and above all, SAFE.

We are all, every one of us, precious and rare and all deserve to have the most basic comforts. There is only one of you. You have a place in the world and a reason for being here. Everything begins with you helping yourself.

Learn more about this author, N. D. Guerre.
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