13 of 66

Write now Article Tools

Page 3 of 4

learn how to become safe and find some peace for yourself.

You need to be with others who understand you, who can offer advice and assistance and even safe shelter if you need it. Look up domestic violence in the phone book or on the web. Try "spousal abuse" and "domestic violence shelters". These people do not force decisions on you, but provide information and support to allow you to make your own choices. Start there and they will direct you to the appropriate services.

If you stop short here, if you just cannot ask for help outside just now, that's OK. Do something else. Tell a friend that you trust, your parents, anyone that you feel loved by. Hearing yourself say the words is a good first step. You don't have to do everything in one day, unless, of course, you are in immediate physical danger, but if that were the case, this would not be your first stop for help, I'm sure.

What you need to know is that these behaviors DO NOT GET BETTER. They only escalate. The shover of today is so often the batterer of tomorrow. You see it happen but it's often so slow that you become accustomed to it almost as soon as it is experienced. Know this too... You are likely in far more danger than you know, people having a tendency to make excuses for the person hurting them, often taking the blame themselves, tend to say "oh it isn't so bad".

It is so bad and the abuser alone is responsible for their behavior. If you are blaming yourself, you are wrong and wasting your energy.

Try thinking of it this way: if it were your sister, your mother or your daughter being treated like this, would you want her safer? Out of that house, that relationship, away from the person whose behavior you are describing? Be your own best friend and do for yourself what you would do for anyone you love. You deserve to be safe, to be happy and to be loved in a way that affirms life, not that takes it away or makes it dark and fearful.

You do not have to decide to divorce, to leave this person today, and being safe for even one night, learning more, moving forward are all good things, things that will put you on the road to freedom. Small steps are better than standing still.

Start with telling one person and with finding information on domestic violence. Do be careful with this and make sure your searching and gathering of information is kept secret. You do not want to appear to be thinking of leaving to the person who is abusing you. This can make them desperate and cause the violence to increase.

And

• << previous page
• 1
• 2
• 3
• 4
• next page >>

Add your voice

Know something about How to recognize and get out of an abusive relationship?
We want to hear your view. Write now!