by Shannon Rayford

Created on: June 10, 2008   Last Updated: April 03, 2009

I use to think that the absentee father was something rather new in African American culture, but historically it is not. When African American's were slaves they faced two feats that would seperate them from the typical nuclear family. They were not allowed to legally marry and they could be sold away from there families. However, this did not stop African Americans from having there own wedding ceremonies or having children, but it did change the male from being the head of the household because the things that make men see themselves as head of their households were stripped from African American men. They did not provide for their family because they worked for free, and many times they couldn't even live with their families.

Post-slavery the African American family had to make their attempt at becoming the typical American family, but lack of jobs, lack of education, and lack of self-worth made this very difficult. African American women began to see themselves as head of the household, not financially, but emotionally. Many children continued to be born out of wedlock because this was common in the African American community since slavery. It was not looked down upon as it was among white Americans.

Throughout history African American women have seen themselves as head of their households. They have been left to raising their children as their own. Many have raised their girls to play the same roles as themselves, but have spoiled their boys by giving them no responsibility and no male figure to look up to. Have you ever seen the talk shows where the women is sreaming at the man because he is not taking care of his children and the man's mother is right beside him yelling at the children's mother? I always thought she should be telling her son to take care of his children rather than make excuses for him.

There is a reason the absence of black fathers in the home has been a never ending cycle. Women started out raising their sons and women have not been educated on how to make their sons responsible men. Another reason is currently African American men judge how good a father they are by comparing how bad other fathers are, rather than doing the best they can for their children.

I am a single African American mother of a nine year old son. His father and I live hundreds of miles apart. His father does not do nearly as much as he should, but I don't use that as an excuse. I have to be a mother and a father, but that's more than just a financial statement. I teach my son what it means to be a man. I make him take out the trash and hold the door open for women. I teach him how to be respectful. I take him to football and basketball practice and watch ESPN with him. I have to do the things that are not typical women things, so my son can have a not typical childhood with a single mother.

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