by F. Burgess (RN, BSN)

Created on: June 10, 2008

I diagnosed myself with type 2 diabetes approximately 7 years ago while on the job. I am a registered nurse who, while on the job, began feeling "strange". I cannot exactly explain the feeling except that I was lightheaded as if floating in air. Something told me to check my blood sugar, so I did, only to discover it to be extremely elevated at 500 mg/dl.

I could not believe the results so I repeated the test; my blood sugar was actually

> 500. I was seen in my hospital's emergency room where a whole blood glucose level confirmed my fears. I knew I needed more testing for a definitive diagnosis but, based on family history, I knew it was highly likely I was diabetic.

Type 2 diabetes is generally adult onset diabetes, which can be managed by weight control (diet) alone or with oral medication. My mother was a Type 2 diabetic but this type is not hereditary as Type 1 insulin dependent diabetes.

Then attorney ads were airing about a medication causing diabetes and I was on that medication. I asked my doctor if it were possible, he acknowledged that it could be because the medication does cause weight gain. I gained 50 pounds in 6 months on this medication. My family has an obesity issue, which is also, why the incidence of Type 2 diabetes is prevalent.

I have cared for many diabetics but I wondered if I could properly care for myself. To me, this diagnosis was like a death sentence, a life-long battle against a disease that severely punishes those who mismanage it.

Upon hearing the diabetic diagnosis, I began the process of grieving. My first step was "why me?" Denial was the most difficult step for me to overcome. Typically, I was not one who craved sweets, but suddenly, I could not get enough. I would eat a small box of Sampler chocolates every other day with cookies and ice cream.

I had lost control and willpower somehow believing it was all a dream but it was no mistake because subsequently, I suffered from high blood sugar. I began to think of it as such, that I would definitely suffer the consequences of my actions. Now I am at the acceptance but still disbelief stage, which is also just as difficult.

In the emergency room, I was given several injections of regular insulin to lower my glucose to an acceptable level. It took almost 4 hours then I was sent home to see my primary physician in the morning.

My primary physician officially diagnosed me once blood tests were completed. I was placed on Glucovance and the battle was on. The patients who frequently lose the battle do so by first losing a limb, then kidney function to dialysis, and die from some diabetic related complication.

I recently witnessed a diabetic patient go completely blind within 3 hours so, despite being a nurse, I still had that fear and trepidation. My fianc's mom succumbed to the complication of kidney failure on dialysis in her 60s. I know from observation that people who drink excessively also develop diabetes and cancer. My mom died from cancer in her 60s so my fears are validated in a way. I am currently 50 years old.

One of those strange but true stories occurred when the person who just completed training me to my new position developed diabetes about 4 weeks after my diagnosis. He has Type 1 insulin-dependent diabetes but attempted to find some correlation between workplace and our diagnoses. He began researching if it was possibly a virus we both were exposed to but he never found any definitive answers.

Now I take particular care of myself and hope not to develop those potentially fatal complications I have seen in so many others for the last 30 years.

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