I am as confused over the controversy over the use of this word as those who are confused over the appropriate time to use it. Why is it so hard for people to understand the reason black people use this word, but are angry when a person of another race uses it? I have heard gay people refer to themselves as queers. I have heard Mexicans people refer to themselves as beaners, so why is it odd to hear a black person to refer to themselves as the "N" word?

First, let me explain. I am an African American women. Although, I do not use this word in slang terms I find the controversy behind it odd. Everyone in some way shape or form has something they can be discriminated over, whether it be race, ethnicity, color, age, gender - anything. I find that almost every group feels a certain bond with each other. If you are Southern, you feel a bond with other Southerners. You may call each other rednecks or hillbillys, but if a Northerner calls you that, you may get mad. If you are overweight, you feel connected to other overweight people, and may call each other fat or big, but if a skinny person calls you that, you would be angry. There was even a rap group called The Fat Boys, but there was no meeting of overweight people to band the use of the word "Fat", nor do we refer to it as the "F" word.

Just as other groups have a bond with each other, so do African Americans. It is true, I do not get mad if an African American uses the "N" word, but I will get mad if someone of another race does. I do not get mad when a Southerner calls me country, but I will if a Northerner does. I do not get mad when I hear women use the various derogatory names that women can be called, but I will get mad if a man uses those words. Why? Because when a person is not a part of the group they are using derogatory names for, then there is a sense of that person is not only seperating themselves further from that group, but they feel they are better than that group.

So, if we ban the use of the "N" word, are we going to also ban the use of all the words that can be non-offensive if one group uses, but offensive if another group does? Look at rap music, men refer to themselves as "dogs" all the time, but if I call a man a dog, I am male bashing. Should we start referring to it as the "D" word.

Many people say that it's not what you say, but the context in how you say it, but I feel this issue is far deeper. Africans-Americans, women, homosexuals, Southerners, Northerners, plus many other groups look at each other as family and we all know that we can say all we want about our families, but when someone else does, it's just unacceptable. It may not be right, but we've created a society where everyone is seperated, so when these groups feel a special bond with each other that outsiders can not understand, who are we to judge?

Learn more about this author, Shannon Rayford.
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