by David Chaproniere

Created on: June 10, 2008

Summer 2008: the warm weather has finally arrived; the smouldering fug of barbecue fumes hangs in the air over our towns and cities; Wimbledon will be upon us, albeit competing for air space with Euro 2008; and Brits up and down the country will at some point be complaining about either how hot it is or how wet it is.

Above all else, the talk of the tabloids and office workers, pupils and gossip-mongers will hang on one key subject: Big Brother.

Yes, it's back - and all I can summon is a dissatisfied groan. I was once hooked like everyone else; in fact, I was a big fan of the first series way back in 2000. As a social concept it was radical television and the major talking point of that summer, with Nasty Nick's deserved eviction being the highlight of the show and consequently leading to Craig's win. However, subsequent series simply have not met with expectation, with each show being hijacked by wannabe TV personalities and Z-celebrity fodder. Even so, no matter how bad each series becomes, the masses and the tabloid press lap it up.

My friend and lodger has become most animated and thrilled at the concept of weeks of BB 2008; I couldn't be less thrilled if I tried. For over two years before she moved into my house, I did not watch TV unless I was at someone else's home, and in that time I discovered that, while everyone else gossiped about what was happening in "The House", I had absolutely no interest in the show whatsoever. Fact is, I didn't miss BB one bit, and no amount of chatter from friends, family and colleagues could raise my interest. I therefore look forward to this new series with certain dread, confirmed in my own mind when I caught the tail end of the first in the series introducing us to the new tenants. Now, I'm sure the "Cookie Monster" I saw entering the house is a lovely woman, but I was cringeing as she staggered up the stairs to the house in a less-than-fetching bright pink outfit and ridiculously high platform shoes. Everything about her was screaming "Look at me" Look at me!" All I wanted to do was switch off the TV.

Perhaps I'm being unfair; perhaps I've merely outgrown the programme - the BBC's "The Apprentice" is, for me, far more riveting to watch, as Sir Alan Sugar shouts down arrogant City types vying for a place in his business. (A work colleague suggests that this is just another reality show just like BB, implying that I'm being a snob. And I have to admit, she may be right!) But "The Apprentice" is now drawing to a close. Instead, my lodger and I will be having shouting-down matches of our own, as we compete with each other over the remote control, she siding with BB, me with Wimbledon and practically anything else (including the "off" switch) to get that awful reality show off my TV screen. It has all the makings of a bitter war.

Perhaps I should suggest this as the subject of a new reality TV show?

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