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Can somebody please get a hold of Dr. Phil? George Lucas needs an intervention. He has the capacity to create works of genius, but he needs to make a pledge to himself and the rest of the world that he will only work on original projects from now on. Although "Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull" was no where near as disastrous as the Star Wars prequels, the newest Indy bears the same hallmark signs that led to legions of disappointed Skywalker fans.

Let's start with the title: it is too much of a mouthful and the alliteration gives it a corny ring. And what's with the movie poster being airbrushed like the early seasons of The View? Are they ashamed that our hero is older? Surely, they can't be trying to hide that Harrison Ford has aged. The fact that he is older (and made jokes about it) was probably the most realistic aspect about the entire film. This is not a franchise where the actor can change every few years like James Bond or Batman-we want Indy to look like Indy. There is a reason that there has only ever been one actor to play this iconic character, and Harrison Ford still looks good playing the part with his whip and fedora. (For those of you who say he looks good "despite his age," you can only pray you look that good when you've lived half his years.)

This newest chapter is set in 1957, a highly competitive time in the Cold War, and our story opens right after Indy has been kidnapped by a Russian paranormal expert, Dr. Irina Spalko. Cate Blanchett (Spalko) is known for her impeccable taste when picking roles, but this was a bad choice for her. She is one of the most lauded actors of her generation, and this wooden character was definitely beneath her talents. Unlike the sexy blonde Nazi in "The Last Crusade," there is never a romantic spark between our hero and this villainess, and undoubtedly some clever commentators out there have speculated this is due to the need for Viagra. On the contrary, a long-lost love interest appears, saving the movie from utter ruin. You may remember the spunky Marion Ravenwood (played by the same Karen Allen) from "Raiders of the Lost Ark." She and Indy bicker like it was yesterday, yielding some of the best dialogue in the movie. Marion and her son, Mutt Williams (Shia LaBeouf), compel Indy to help save their mutual friend who has been kidnapped in South America. The story that ensues is a both a failure in writing and in judgment.

Over the past nearly two decades, Mr. Ford has been asked in numerous

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