by Jamie Hebert

Created on: June 09, 2008   Last Updated: October 31, 2008

Tears streaming from her soft blue eyes, she whispered, "Mom, you were the only one not there." It was her annual mother-daughter banquet and I was not able to attend. She was not angry. She was heartbroken. My heart fell and suddenly I couldn't swallow. How do I look into those beautiful blue eyes, swimming with tears, and give an explanation that will matter? Where do I begin to apologize enough? And, can I? This is one small example of the delimas of being a single parent. The entire load is positioned squarely on my back. I am mom, dad, and all of the powers that be in between. How do single parents do it? How do we make it work? It is not easy. And, there are days we don't make it. We do not make the mark. We fail. We cry. We agonize. We worry. We fret. We complain. But, we do not quit. No, we do not quit. And, we thank God daily for the opportunity to be a parent, despite the challenges of doing it alone.

I am a single mom and have been for the last two years. I have four beautiful children, two girls and two boys. Two of my children are teenagers, and the other two are quickly approaching. Yes, I am sufficiently scared (lol). It is a challenge, daily. If I had to make an assessment, I would say the biggest challenge is attempting to meet the needs of each of my four children while being forced to live within the limits of being one person. Setting healthy limits has been difficult for me. Because of my love for my children I want them to enjoy the same opportunities others have. I want them to have the same access to electronics, cell phones, internet, good school systems, team sports, name brand clothing, etc. It is not enjoyable having to remind them to be apreciative of what they have and "do not dwell on what you don't have."

Mom needs to attend all of their social and school functions. Mom should not have to pick and choose which child's function will be attended and which one will be abandoned. Issues such as these are faced daily by single parents. We stretch ourselves, sometimes to the point of breaking, to meet the needs of being both mom and dad. We do not want our children to feel the obvious, unavoidable sting of living in a one parent home where so much of the two parent world is cut off to them. The things that "normal" families take for granted we have to struggle to accommodate. We plan meticulously and say "I am sorry" often. But, we do it without regret because we love our children and our lives would be fragmented without them in it.

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