by Alicia Thomason

Created on: June 09, 2008

Poison, whether injected, consumed orally, or delivered psychologically, is just as toxic. Poison is poison, and its effects are noxious and sometimes even deadly.

A toxic relationship occurs when one is in a relationship with a disordered person, and the relationship is abusive. Abuse comes in many forms; physical, sexual, emotional, and verbal. Any type of abuse poisons the relationship. In a toxic relationship, there is always a perpetrator and a victim.

Frequently the toxic relationship does not begin so. For the victim to accept the poison, it is frequently candy-coated in the beginning. The abuser may begin the relationship with perceived sweetness, kindness, goodness, charm, and even exaggerated compliments and generosity. Poison is a bitter pill, but if the initial delivery is from a smiling face and gentle voice, it goes down more easily.

The first doses of the poison are generally in small volumes. It may be withdrawal of affection, an unkind word, or a raised voice. The victim may believe there is just a misunderstanding. But abuse, and poison, are delivered in increasing frequent doses. The first act is followed by another, perhaps yelling, pushing, name-calling, assaults on one's character, and false accusations. As the frequency and intensity of the abuse increases, the victim may attempt to be a peacemaker, and attempt to return the relationship to the initial stages of perceived happiness, peace, and elation.

Unfortunately, once abuse begins, it does not stop; and the relationship is forever altered. An abuser always abuses. The abuser finds power and gratification in the submission of the victim. The abuser may think that they are omnipotent; all-powerful, all-knowing, and justified in dishing out punishment. The abuser thinks it is their entitlement to abuse. The abuser actually enjoys the control and hurt they cause the victim, and has no concerns for the victim's physical or emotional health.

As this cycle of abuse continues, the sickness and pain causes the victim great turmoil. The victim suffers loss of self-esteem, loss of validation of their worth as a human being, and extreme trust issues. Frequently the abuser may twist reality on the victim, and wrongly accuse them of behaviors and statements they did not make. The abuser may attempt to use mind-control techniques on the victim or use intimidation. No matter what the victim does, they cannot please the abuser. Eventualy, the victim may speak out against the abuser, and subsequently the

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