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We are all dying. This may not be earth shattering news to anyone, but the point is, we all value having the privilege of making choices, and most people have to adjust some of their desires to the group of people they live most closely with. If we believe that people should be able to make some choices about their daily rituals when we consider them to be "living", we should give them choices about their funeral rituals when they are "dying". The dying person may also have to come to terms with the fact that, even in death, other people have input in the lives of their loved ones.

A funeral is the celebration of a person's life, and it is also a tender good-bye. When possible, this ceremony should reflect the personality and a taste of the one who has passed on; one last look at the things to remember. At the same time, there are those who are left behind in the wake of this death and this moment is their time as well. A part of their lives is ending; there will be no new memories made with this person involved. Someone will be making arrangements and footing a bill. This all needs to be taken in to consideration.

Sometimes funerals can be times of great family tension, with some members wanting to do things one way and others another. Hopefully there will be some cooperation and a meaningful ceremony will be formed. If there is great disagreement, it would be helpful if the person who died had made some express wishes that can be used as guidance, and, in the end, should have the most sway. If someone went to the trouble of verbalizing his/her preferences concerning their funeral, that should be given high honor.

Of course, there are all manner of dynamics involved in the passing on from life to death and not everyone has the same kind of family surrounding them. Different people spend their lives in different ways, interacting with others according to their personalities and beliefs. Some are buried well loved, and some with a guilty sigh of relief in an inner place. All of this is going to have an impact, but no matter how a life was lived, a funeral should be a time of honor and peaceable good-bye. Cooperation is the key to making this happen.

Honest conversations during the best of times will be very helpful in a time of grief. Rituals are no where near as important as a life well lived, but they are meaningful, nonetheless. Give a living/dying person a voice in their final moments. Everyone will feel better in the end.

Learn more about this author, Elizabeth Rogers.
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