There is humor in writing, and there is humor surrounding the art of writing. Sometimes situations arise that make you look back and laugh a little, even as you shake your head in chagrin.

Writing in your sleep can be hazardous to your career. I learned this firsthand when I ended up taking on a project that ended up tasting bad in my mouth! It was a series of "how to" style articles which the project description portrayed as being on a wide variety of subject matter from sports to gardening.

Imagine my surprise after the project was won when the following titles were given:

How to Date Rich Men, How to Find Rich Men, How to Marry a Russian Woman, How to Meet Asian Brides, How to Meet Japanese Women, How to Meet Russian Ladies, How to Meet Russian Women, How to Get a Japanese Girlfriend, How to Talk to Japanese Girls.

Okaaaayyyyyyy, I thought. I see how it is. I briefly considered telling the buyer what to stuff and where to stuff it, but decided to take a whack at the job.

The first two I did from the woman's point of view, kind of a warning of what to expect if you made wealth the main criteria for picking a mate. The next few I managed to balance with a blend of cautionary warnings and a serious look at reasons why foreign women might be seeking a Western husband.

I moved on to a friendly look at the dating scene, managing to repress my natural disgust towards the kind of guy that picks a woman by her ethnicity, and focusing on respecting cultural differences.

By 2:00 am I was on the last topic, and was running out of ideas. I was half asleep, so I just wrote from what I figured was a guy's point of view, zipped the file and sent it back to the buyer.

He responded by e-mail the next morning, by which time I could no longer even remember what I had written.

"Thanks! Good job, but the last one may be a little too much. I had a good laugh and a little humor is ok but let's not overdo it."

Curious and a little worried, I fired up my word processor and took a wary look at what my sleep deprived brain had created:

-How To Talk To Japanese Girls-

Well, if they speak English you can talk to them in English. If they don't. move on to plan B.

Learn a little Japanese. It doesn't have to be a lot, just enough to say "Want another beer?", "Karaoke, anyone?" or "Lets go back to my place!"

Find an activity the two of you can participate in together. Ask her if she has ever gotten really, really drunk and see if she'd like to do it with you.

Compliment her clothes, and offer her a gift. "You look really hot tonight. Here, I bought you a kimono. Wouldn't you like to slip into something a little more comfortable?"

Take her to a karaoke contest, and sing directly to her. "Do you love me, do you want to be my friend; check yes or no!"

Give it an hour, and if she's not interested in you, move on. Tell her friends that they are prettier then her, and that she said mean things about them. Then offer to comfort them while they cry.

Warning: Avoid saying something off color that she might repeat at home to the men in her life (Daddy, Big Brother, First Cousin). These guys can probably kill you with a fingertip.

Tips: Disregard the above. If you really want to know how to talk to Japanese girls, the answer is simple - talk to them just like you would any other woman!

After a moment of hysterical (and slightly horrified) laughter, I rewrote the article. Everyone was happy - especially me, because the buyer checked over my work before publishing it!

Learn more about this author, Grace Alexander.
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