by Kathleen

Created on: June 08, 2008

When dealing with a child that has a disability you have to consider the ages of the siblings. Older children will undoubtedly have questions. Younger children will not know there is something different about their brother or sister until they are old enough to understand their world around them. They accept people the way they are until someone tells them not to.

Depending on the level of disability your children may not have a difficult time understanding the differences in themselves versus their brother or sister.

When a new baby is born with a disability and you already have children, you have to explain things to them in a way they can understand. This depends on the maturity level of the child and the severity of the disability. You want to remember to be open with your children and share information with them as you learn it.

If special equipment will accompany the new baby home, explain simply what the equipment does and that the new baby will have to use it for whatever reason. For example; if an oxygen tank has to be set up in the home and the baby has feeding tubes or oxygen tubes, explain to the siblings; "This may look funny but it's the way our baby breathes or eats." Many smaller children won't know that all babies don't come home this way. They accept what you tell them.

Older siblings will want to help mom and dad with the new baby. Let them know about the limits of their involvement from the beginning. Again, share information with your children. They are smarter and more compassionate than you may think. Having them involved with the daily routine will teach them there is nothing wrong with having a sibling with a disability. Through their involvement, they will also learn about their brother or sister's limits and abilities, while bonding.

If you are raising a younger child around an older sibling with a disability they will accept what they have been exposed to. There will not be a need to do much explaining until the child is old enough to realize not everyone is the same. By then, the child will not be ashamed or have many questions because they have experienced watching and living with their siblings disabililty their whole life.

There will be basic questions such as; how did this happen? Will I have the same problem as my brother or sister? Why does he/she need (whatever it may be, feeding tube, wheelchair, diaper, etc.) You will answer these questions the same way you answer any other questions. Using the truth, any age appropriate medical facts that support the issue, and parental understanding.

If a sibling has to be in a wheelchair or needs lifetime assistance, this will be accepted by the children and they will pick up on your actions. If you treat your disabled child like there is something wrong or different with them and you are ashamed, expect the other children to act the same way. If you are accepting and treat your disabled child the same way you would any other child with the same love and attention, your other children will follow your lead.

Search for ways to gain knowledge about the disability and what ways have worked for other families when explaining things to their children.

Speak with a Pediatrician
Enroll in family counseling
Enroll in family classes that specifically deal with disabled family members.
Go to the library
Use the Internet
Talk with your children's teachers and explain that you have a child at home with a disability.

Sitting your children down and letting them know as much as possible in an age appropriate manner will strengthen your family and encourage your children to grow up in an accepting, loving, nonjudgmental environment.

Learn more about this author, Kathleen.
Click here to send this author comments or questions.