by P.J. Gladnick

Created on: June 08, 2008   Last Updated: June 09, 2008

Now it can be revealed. A hidden recorder taped the conversation that took place at the secret meeting between Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama at Senator Diane Feinstein's home in Washington, D.C.. Here is the transcript of that historic meeting:

HILLARY: Thank you for coming here, Barack. Now that the long primary campaign is over, I think it is finally time to discuss how we can unite to defeat the Republicans this November.

OBAMA: Why thank you, Hillary.

HILLARY: As the first step in this endeavor, I am pledging my full support to you.

OBAMA: Very gracious of you.

HILLARY: Yes, I am throwing my full support to you as my running mate.

OBAMA: Well, I think this is a little early to...

HILLARY: No, I insist. I want you to run on the ticket with me as my vice presidential running mate.

OBAMA: ME? But you lost the...

HILLARY (interrupting): Don't be so modest. You would add a lot to the ticket. I think you would be excellent in debating whomever John McCain chooses to be his running mate.

OBAMA: Hillary, I don't think you understand the...

HILLARY: Of course, there is the little matter about how you stayed in the primary race a bit too long.

OBAMA: Huh? Why of all the nerve!

HILLARY: I'll overlook your overstaying your welcome in the primaries but only if you agree to have my $30 million campaign debt paid off.

OBAMA: Now look, Hillary, I think you're...

HILLARY (interrupting): I think your supporters would be happy to pay off that debt if it means that I will choose you as the vice presidential candidate on my ticket.

OBAMA: I think you need to get a big grip on reality Hillary because...

HILLARY (interrupting): Of course, there is the problem about my husband to be resolved. Because he is a former president, he will need to use to White House office that the vice president normally uses.

OBAMA: HILLARY!

HILLARY: However, I think that problem can be resolved if you agree to use only the Executive Office Building.

OBAMA: DAMN YOU, HILLARY! Have you no sense of reality at all? I won the majority of the delegates, not you! I'm going to be the Democrat nominee, not you! And I will be the one choosing who will be the vice presidential running mate, not you!

HILLARY: Do you think the White House Marine band should play "Hail to the Chief" just before I enter the East Room or just as I enter?

OBAMA: HILLARY! HILLARY!

HILLARY: Yes, I enter the East Room just as the Marine band strikes up "Hail to the Chief." I acknowledge the adulation of the crowd with a slight nod of my head and just the correct mix of modesty and pride while...

OBAMA (interrupting): I have had just about enough of your nonsense, Hillary! You just can't face up to the reality of the primary results! I'M OUTTA HERE!

(Obama storms out of the room.)

HILLARY (alone): Why hello Mr. Prime Minister. So nice to see you here at the state dinner. Oh, I would be honored to visit your country. Yes, I will exit Air Force One. At the top of the stairs I will give a royal wave to the waiting dignitaries. Back of the hand out with slow revolutions. Then I will descend the stairs to review the honor guard with measured steps and just the proper note of gravity on my face...

(Hillary begins marching slowly across the room...)

HILLARY (continuing): As the band plays Oompa...oompa...badda...boom.

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