by K. Russell

Created on: June 07, 2008   Last Updated: April 04, 2010

Being a parent often means being the "bad guy". It's not fun, but it is a necessary part of the job, as we protect, provide for, and teach our children what they will need to know as adults. No, you can't have chocolate cake for breakfast. Eat your vegetables. Don't hit your sister.D o your homework. Rake the leaves. Teaching children to be responsible adults is often a difficult job. Curfews are another prime example.

Limiting the time teens can be on their own, out from under parental eyes, let's them know we care about them, that we respect their freedom to the extent that they can handle it, and that there are powers greater than themselves. It lets them test the waters of their own choices without serious injury. It also teaches them that they are not above the law. These are all valuable lessons.

Many parents make the mistake of trying to be their teen's "buddy". This is never a good idea. You will have decades of adulthood, during which time you can share a glass of wine, enjoy fun activities, and treat your child as an adult. Adolescence is NOT that time. Teens do not have the self-control, the world perspective, or the legal right to the freedoms enjoyed by adults.

While your teen may scream that you are "ruining their life" by setting a curfew, you are actually letting them know that you care enough to protect them, in spite of their raging accusations. Children are programmed to test limits. Often, one of their first favorite words is, "No!" First sentences often sound something like, "I'll do it myself." Without limits, children will push harder and harder until the limits are found. Growing up without limits makes children feel uncared for and unworthy.

Setting a curfew for your teen gives them the freedom to enjoy their friends or favorite activities while limiting the possibility of serious errors in judgment. Most teens feel invincible and immortal. This lack of realistic thinking makes them vulnerable to bad influences, poor choices, and potentially fatal activities.

Finally, setting a curfew for your teen teaches them that everyone has to obey the rules. As adults, they will be required to obey laws, pay taxes and follow office policy. Raising your teen with rules and a curfew will help them to adapt to society and to have the necessary self-control to succeed.

Setting a curfew for your teen tells them you love them.

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