by Terri Combs-Orme Ph.D.

Created on: June 07, 2008   Last Updated: June 11, 2008

Most of us do it at one time or another: stroll down the memory lane of our lives to evaluate how it's going. Sometimes it's just reminiscence, but often it's a first step to changing directions, perhaps after divorce, retirement, or another life-changing event. Here are 5 tips for moving you forward in your life in a positive direction:

1. Don't focus on regrets.

Most of us focus too much on unreached goals, failures, mistakes we've made, and missed opportunities. This kind of attention to negative thoughts only promotes more negativity. Research shows that positive emotions promote brain flexibility and reduce the likelihood of perseveration about past mistakes. So start by focusing on the positives and leaving the regrets behind.

2. Take stock of your resources.

No, don't think about your problems or deficits, but your resources. A list of your weaknesses doesn't provide you much direction for the future, does it?

Richard Byrd, the famous explorer, said "Few men during their lifetime come anywhere near exhausting the resources dwelling in them. There are deep wells of strength that are never used." It's time to use those resources, but first you need to know what they are.

But what resources? Feeling like you have none? If you have had a job or a hobby, you have skills. If you are retired, you have time. If you are elderly, you have experience and (probably) wisdom. Even a passion for somethingmusic or birds or cookingcan be a resource because it moves you to learn and can link you to others with similar passions.

3. List the 5 things you've done that have brought you the most pleasure in the last 10 years.

James Taylor says, "The secret of life is enjoying the passage of time." If you make a list of the most pleasurable aspects in your life, it probably will not include your major purchases. It's likely to be a list of experiences. Happiness comes from positive experiencesboth when we have them and when we think about them later.

Focus less on your big plans for the rest of your lifefocus on doing something you enjoy today.

4. Focus on your most uplifting relationships.

Even if you love them, some people leave you feeling drained, as if they suck the reserves from your personal energy account. Others bring out the best in you and leave you refreshed mentally and spiritually. Sometimes turning your life around means spending more time with those who nourish you and avoiding those who drain you.

5. Brainstorm about the future.

With all of the above in mind, pick a time when you have a few hours of privacy in a relaxed setting, and make a list of all the possibilities. List with abandondon't censor yourself or concentrate on what's practical. Psychologists say that when we limit solutions to a problem to those that are practical, we come up with fewer and less creative possibilities.

Now you have a list of possibilities, an inventory of the resources you have to make those possibilities reality, and clear notions of what and who bring you pleasure. Now it's time to move forward.

Learn more about this author, Terri Combs-Orme Ph.D..
Click here to send this author comments or questions.