by Matthew Stoddard

Created on: June 07, 2008   Last Updated: June 11, 2008

Evaluating your life sounds like a simple prospect. What could possibly be simpler than taking a few minutes to be honest with yourself about what is troubling you, and then change it, right? Anyone who has ever tried this, though, knows just how difficult it is. The problem isn't the ability to ask questions of yourself, but more likely that you're not asking the right question. Most people will ask the question "What is wrong?" While this might help you figure out the problem, it does nothing to address the real concern: what is the root cause of the problem?

In order to determine what really needs to change, rephrase the question. Stop asking "What is the problem?" and start asking "Why is this a problem?" Ask that question five times, concentrating on giving yourself specific answers. If you ask yourself "Why?" five times, you will get to the root cause of a problem almost every time. As simple as this may seem, it is not easy. Asking these questions requires a level of honesty that we have been conditioned to avoid. Try following these guidelines:

Check your ego. Pop-psychology teaches us to accept our faults and be happy with ourselves. Unfortunately, it is our faults that cause unhappiness because our faults place us outside the norm. You must strip away your desire to tell yourself that things are fine the way they are, because for most people they are not. You have to be willing to admit ugly little facts about yourself before it becomes possible to truly affect change.

Give yourself specific answers. General answers lead to general, and ineffective, solutions. The solution to losing weight isn't to just exercise. The solution needs to be much more specific, because there is a reason why you're not already exercising, and that needs to be another question. The more honestly you look at yourself, the more specific you will become with your answers and the more effectively you will create positive change in your life.

Your solution is not something you can buy. The answer is not a new car, new clothes, or a new flat-screen TV. While improving your image may be part of a solution, it will certainly not be all of the solution. While a new outfit may make you feel better in the short-term, that feeling of joy fades and you are still left with the root cause.

Don't stop after one or two questions. The purpose of this exercise is self-discovery, and not even the best therapist in the world can give you help with only one question. Keep digging and you will find that, through honesty and openness with yourself, not only will real solutions to your problems be found, but that the solutions are most likely simpler than you can possibly imagine.

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