by Mary W. Matthews

Created on: June 06, 2008

When a woman is considering whether to change her name on marriage or keep the name she's got, she must consider several issues. A name is a very personal thing, and a good deal of one's identity is tied up in one's name.

* Does she LIKE her own name? She might be tired of explaining 27 times a day that "Featherstonehaugh" is pronounced "Fanshaw," or explaining to someone they accidentally misspelled "Smythe." But then again, she might be proud that her four-greats grandfather signed the Declaration of Independence or that she herself has won the Pulitzer Prize.

* Does she like her prospective new name? Wynona B. Cox, in love with Al Knott, might not WANT to become "Wy Knott." Wynona B. Cox might not WANT to become Wynona Cox Suquer. Also, it is becoming increasingly important to consider the mounting insanity in the no-fly list, and the fact that names that even SOUND Middle Eastern open their bearers to prejudice and worse. Ciara Jefferson might not WANT to become Ciara al-Hasri.

* Has she spent years establishing a professional reputation for herself, or would it not matter much if her name suddenly disappeared? An attorney might prefer to keep her own name, and a cocktail waitress might not care one way or the other. I know more than one woman who has had to cope with situations like, "Whatever happened to that brilliant physician Laura Oldname, anyway? I haven't heard anything about her in ages." "Um, that would be me. . . ."

* Are there children involved, or will there be? What will the children be named or renamed? It would be silly for Debby Throckmorton-Yakumo and Ronald Maharashta-McGillicuddy to unite their names on marriage and then name their child Roshanda Throckmorton-Yakumo-Maharashta-McGillicuddy (although I'd love to see the face of the school registrar several years later!).
      My friend Pat Waters has been married for decades to Jack Baker; their daughters are Marie W. Baker and Susie W. Baker. When the girls were in school, Pat would once in a while face a confused teacher looking for Mrs. Baker or assuming Pat was her daughters' stepmother. The other 99 percent of the time, it just wasn't that big a deal.

* What are her prospective husband's feelings? Will he get all insulted and throw a fit if his wife "rejects" his name? Is he part of a large, traditional family that would get insulted and throw dozens of fits for years on end? I think a man who is proud of his own name but can't understand his fiancée

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