by J. A. Steller

Created on: June 06, 2008

When in a committed relationship the decision of whether or not to have sex will eventually arise at some point. If you are a person of strong religious faith, and believe that pre-marital sex is a sin, then it's perfectly acceptable for you to assume you are correct. Otherwise, for the rest of us who struggle with more of a non-religious doctrine, we'll be more logical about this.

Having sex before marriage is a choice each of us will make, and hopefully, make with our own fortitude and willpower. Sometimes it has nothing to do with love. It can be a carnal desire, a deep-seeded desire to experiment and explore, springing from a trusted relationship with another sexual being. On the other hand, maybe, it arises within the confines of that trusted relationship in hopes of making that relationship stronger or bringing it to the next level. Whatever the reasoning behind the decision, it's important to understand that it will always be an extremely personal choice made by that person, not for that person. Religion and a dominating family upbringing tend to overshadow or eradicate a basic concept-the freedom of choice. Choosing sex, or choosing marriage, choosing a car or a college, a job or a partner, these are all parts of what makes up a human being and our free will.

When I became an adult, in most senses of the word, I began to see through the filter our society envelopes around sex. Sex is not dirty, not sinful to enjoy, not a tool used by those deviant boys, not an act in which a woman should take little pleasure, not a binding contract between you, that person and God. Not at all, sex is a joyous occasion, in which we as humans come as close as possible to another's soul. Moments where we share ourselves wholly, give in completely, and feel entirely. We breathe each other in, savoring the memory for years to come, even if that person has long since passed from our lives. It stays with us as a time of learning. Learning how we react, what we like and don't like, who we are in our most naked moment.

Some people, me included, prefer to think of sex as something similar to test-driving a car. I do not want to trivialize sex, but I want to put it into a real life picture. Most vehicles are kept for between three to ten years. Who would buy a car without test-driving it? Sex is an enormous part of a relationship, and compatible sex drives are key to visualizing long-term satisfaction, so the idea that sex should be saved for after the wedding is not only an antiquated view of a partnership, it's just plain illogical. Maybe if people would test drive their relationships more, find out if they are a fit in all aspects, we as a society could breakdown the guilt-laden barriers surrounding premarital sex.

Safe, guilt-free sex is one way we explore life, our surroundings and ourselves. When practiced safely, it's a way to become closer to our spiritual ideals, and the best avenue to understand our partner and eventually ourselves.

Learn more about this author, J. A. Steller.
Click here to send this author comments or questions.