by Richard Hefty

Created on: June 06, 2008

Growing old is a relative issue.

No, I don't mean it has something to do with your Great Uncle Murray. Although genetics certainly does play a part in the equation, that is not the point I'm trying to make. What I'm trying to say is that what "growing older" means to me keeps changing the older I get. Certainly, I can't be alone in this thinking.

How else would you explain that 20 years ago, "30 was the new 20". Then 10 years later, "40 was the new 30". Now all the magazines are proclaiming that "50 is the new 40". Are you seeing a pattern? So am I.

It seems that the best part about getting older is that you're afforded the ability to constantly redefine what constitutes "being old".

As I was growing up, obviously I had my family as a reference point. My parents were old. My grandparents were REALLY old. My great grandmother seemed so old that I'm fairly certain she briefly dated Abraham Lincoln when they were in high school together. I loved them all dearly, but the was no way I could wrap my little mind around the fact that one day I would be their age. The first time I remember being cognisant of my father's age was the year that he turned 32. I remember sitting there as we sang to him. I looked at the "32" candle on his cake and thought, "Wow, 32! That's ancient!"

Wanna hear a depressing fact? This year I turned 32. I used to think you could start collecting retirement around this age. However, the cool part is that I had a fantastic realization! 32 isn't old! 32 is the new 22...ask any 32 year old. Now the perspective has changed.

The important part to perpetuating this new reality is very simple. There are only a few rules that must be adhered to:

1) Never talk to your kids about age related issues...in their eyes, you will ALWAYS be old.
2) Avoid phrases like "Back when I was young..." and "Good ol' days"
3) When it comes to sports, learn to root for teams-not individual players. Players get older too, and when your hero ages in front of you, you can't help but age with them. Teams never age.
4) Focus on Hollywood. They are the ones that dictate the whole "40 is the new 30" concept.
5) In the workplace, hang out with the veterans. Even when you're 45 years old...they'll still call you "Kid".

So all things considered, growing old isn't that bad. It nice to know that since I'm in control of the definition, I'll never actually get there.

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