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and almost certainly resulting in the destruction of your relationship.

If children are involved things only get worse. Invariably your local child protective organization will get involved. While claiming to work to protect the children, these agencies will often remove children from families and place them into a foster system that has a greater level of abusive situations than the rest of society. Even if your children do remain in your home it is unlikely that your family will ever return to any sort of normalcy once these agencies insert themselves into your lives.

The way to avoid these issues is to discuss what would ever happen when a partner is tempted to call the police. Hopefully your family has no history of violence, however, in the heat of passion many of us will do things that we will later regret. Planning for such an event could save your family and your relationships.

First and foremost you must discuss with your partner what should be done if either of you ever feel threatened. Reach an agreement that, rather than involving law enforcement, you can leave at any time one of you feels the situation warrants it. Perhaps such an incident will end your relationship. However, you will drastically increase the chances of being able to work such things out later if you deal with the situation on your own, with friends or through counseling. If criminal charges ever come about the chances of your relationship surviving are very low. And, likely, one partner's life will be virtually destroyed if they're brought into the legal system in such a manner.

As soon as your children are able to take action on their own, work with them to figure out someplace to go if they ever feel threatened. Friends and family should be involved in such a decision and informed of what you expect from them if they are ever called upon to help. Your children should know that they can always leave a situation in which they feel scared of their parents for whatever reason. The people that may be called upon should know that, unless they fear a pattern of repeated abuse, they should not involve any government agencies. That they are being ask to help your children feel safe until everyone has an opportunity to work through the issues at hand.

It may be difficult and awkward to have such a discussion when things are going well. Some may even think that their relationship could be harmed by such a discussion. However, if you and your family can't communicate to this extent, you may wish to consider where your relationship is going. If you fail to have this conversation and problems occur you will not only face the failure of your relationship but could also face an involvement in the criminal justice system that can threaten the lives of your entire family.

For more information on the dangers of involving government agencies in domestic situations please visit www.ejfi.org

Learn more about this author, Keith Hamburger.
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