by Keith Hamburger

Created on: June 06, 2008   Last Updated: January 22, 2009

The time to make a plan for dealing with domestic violence is long before it happens. And, one key to this plan is to agree to never, ever call the police.

Before going into the details of this planning we need to make sure that everyone in your household is safe. If you are actually in enough fear that you need to be making plans for escape, don't even wait for such plans to be in place. Get out! If you are living with someone so dangerous the safety of you and your loved ones is a concern there is no time for planning or discussion.

If, however, you simply wish to be prepared in case a heated argument gets out of hand, now is the time to discuss what you and your family will do in such a situation.

The days of Andy Griffith are long gone. No longer do we have peace officers in our neighborhoods available to help us work things out. Today, whenever the police are involved, we are dealing with law-enforcement officers. The primary goal of today's police, and our justice system, is to find someone guilty of breaking a law and to punish them, preferably with prison whenever possible.

This is especially true in domestic disputes. Many jurisdictions today have a policy that whenever a police officer is called for a domestic dispute someone will have to be arrested. Usually the arrested person will be the male partner in such a dispute, regardless of what has transpired.

Even absent such a policy there are numerous instances where the intervention of law enforcement escalates a situation to the point of an arrest. Police officers are usually trained to deal with violence and take action first and foremost to protect themselves from what they consider to be a dangerous situation. And, it is commonly claimed that domestic disputes are some of the most dangerous situations they will face. Police will arrive prepared to deal with violence, which will only increase the tensions of the situation.

Once someone is arrested in a domestic dispute it will be virtually impossible to escape the situation. The partner that is considered abused will be treated as if they are unable to make decisions for themselves in such a matter. Even if they wish to withdraw charges the courts and government attorneys will pursue the case. They will push for a guilty plea and, if the accused is unwilling to plea bargain, they will use all of the tools at their disposal to convict them. Even following an acquittal it is not unusual for local family services to remain involved, disrupting your family

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