by Jamie Hebert

Created on: June 06, 2008   Last Updated: August 23, 2009

Daily I am faced with the realization of how much I still have to learn. Almost forty and I am still learning who I am, who I want to become, and how to be satisfied with whatever situation I find myself in. I ponder my regrets. It could have been so different..."If only I had... " Life has a way of causing you to reflect. Sometimes I am overjoyed in who I have become, sometimes I am disgusted. Either way, I continue to move forward, learning and growing.

Reflecting, I remember when my oldest daughter, now fifteen, was a baby. I felt so inadequate. She screamed and cried with an air of authority straight from the womb. She knew exactly what she wanted and would not settle for any less than having things her way. Being her mother I knew exactly where she had gotten this quality from. I respected my demanding daughter from the very beginning of her existence. Fifteen years later, many tears shed, many converstation had, many redirections, I still admire and respect her. And, I've learned. She has taught me, like my other three children, how to be a parent.

My four have challenged me, stretched me, caused me to shed my outdated ways which I clung to because they were familiar and comforting. Though, being outdated, they were often of no use to anyone other than myself, my old habits. Change is necessay, especially if you have any desire what-so-ever to keep up with this fast paced generation. No small wonder I am ever aware of how far I still have to go in so many areas. Honestly, who has time to smell the roses? I must make the time. It takes balance. How do I find the happy medium? By growing, learning, adapting, it comes with age and maturity. "But, I don't want to grow up" I think to myslef with a pouty face and my arms folded. But, I do not have a choice and I realize that.

Ah, yes, my children...Often I see myself in them as they age. Sometimes it is a joy, other times it is much to my chagrin. I see myself in my second child when she becomes tearful simply because she could not fix her hair. I see myself in my oldest son when he arrogantly speaks of his superior intellect and capabilities, as compared to his peers. I see myself in my youngest son when he cannot sit still for a moment, looking eagerly for the next fun event.

Awe fills me as my children parade my qualities, good and bad alike, for all to see. So many different emotions wash over me. There are times I laugh and then there are times I blush crimson. All the

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