by Thomas Beddoe

Created on: June 06, 2008   Last Updated: June 11, 2008

The Mirror and the Mind's Eye

Life is by its very nature a process of growth and change, but it is human in nature to resist change. We cling to our self image so desperately in an attempt to control ourselves and our environment that all too often we deprive ourselves of opportunities that could be beneficial, and for no better reason than an imagined fear of loss or failure. Too often the pressures of modern living overwhelm the individual to such a degree that managing one's own growth in a controlled manner is nearly impossible to accomplish. This being the case, many just stay in their respective social circles and same careers in an attempt to shut themselves off from any influence that might force or even simply inspire change. Locked away within this state, moments of reflection end up being the result of mental overload or significant trauma, instead of a more healthy periodic assessment. Having reached this state regardless of its origin there are some simple strategies to consider, towards making this particular phase of personal assessment and growth a healthy and stable experience. It should be considered first though that if you have come upon this moment by force that it would be wise to do the personal assessment phase on a semi-annual basis, in a part of the year when external influences like religious holidays and personal responsibilities like family birthdays are at a minimum. This does not imply that you must redirect yourself each time but rather the evaluation itself is a healthy exercise.

During a personal reflection there is one golden rule any person seeking to gain from the experience must always comprehend, one cannot assess one's self without bias. None of us is capable of this action and as such any judgements you decide to accept from your own mind must be considered tainted for the sole purpose of your own mental comfort. This is an involuntary reflex and must be acknowledged for its effect upon your decision making to reasonably succeed at the endeavour. You will find yourself too harsh toward your failings than maybe they deserve, as well as too lenient upon matters you find convenient as opposed to practical, and perhaps a little arrogant in your accomplishments and personal value to the outside world. Temper your evaluations with deliberate objectivity.

Beyond the assessment itself one must again temper with objectivity the ideals they have chosen to strive towards. While it is a wonderful thing to dream, setting a goal that is unrealistic to achieve will only lead to frustration and depression. If you find a characteristic in someone else you wish to emanate yourself, be sure that it does not conflict with your other personal values. We are all different individually in ways the psyche does not always illuminate openly.

When considering the components of your life that directly involve others keep true to yourself in matters of health and well being but never make the mistake of considering yourself more important than those involved. Look after yourself first but do not devalue the worth of someone with whom you share your life, or your present worth to them.

Start by giving yourself permission to be "who" you have become, because chances are the outside world is as responsible for your failures and successes as you are. Here is where you decide to take the controls, but first you deserve credit for surviving whatever adventure has brought you to this moment, and remember that the future will always have a couple new surprises in your way. If you cannot forgive your own imperfections and then your society for it's you will not succeed in this endeavour. Life is what you make it but you are "who" your environment has taught you to be.

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