by Richard Hefty

Created on: June 06, 2008   Last Updated: June 09, 2008

HUMOR ALERT:
All year long, Dad does stuff for others. He gives and gives and gives of himself. One day a year is set aside to honor him for all that he does. That is why I feel the need to be honest at this point. When I was browsing topics and saw the title of this particular selection, I got very upset. So I feel the need to speak up. Please hear me out.

Do-It-Yourself Father's Day Cards?!

When it comes to this all-important holiday, I cannot think of anything more degrading than telling your father-the man who gave you life itself, the man who tirelessly worked countless hours of overtime to ensure that you always had the latest and greatest fashions, the man who made it his sole purpose to teach you how to make quality sounding armpit farts-that if he wants something, he has to DO IT HIMSELF!

Now to be honest, I've never actually seen this section in the card store, but I promise you that I am heading there this weekend and I am going to forecfully complain to the manager about these cards! It's simply preposterous! I can't even begin to imagine what will go through the hearts of fathers all over the world when they sit down in their special chair on Father's Day and open a card that goes something like this:

(Front)
"When Santa needs a gift, he relies upon his elf..."
(Inside)
"...but if you want one of your own, you'll get it by yourself"

or possibly...

(Front)
"Dear Daddy, for you on your special day I was going to make you dinner..."
(Inside)
"...but I changed my mind, so cook your own or you will just grow thinner."

It almost makes me cry just thinking about how this father is supposed to react when reading this in front of the whole family. He'll be crushed! As I struggle to come up with words to express my feelings...

Huh? Excuse me for just a moment please, my wife is trying to whisper something to me.

It means what? So it doesn't mean that he has to...so it's not...and it in no way requires him to...oh dear.

Ummm, this is really embarrassing. My wife just informed me that this topic has nothing to do with fathers needing to do anything on their own. Apparently I misunderstood the whole concept of "Do It Yourself". It seems that the "do-it-yourself" part refers to putting some heartfelt time and thought into designing a homemade card, instead of just buying one at the card store.

Speaking of card store, I am SO glad to have figured this out now. This would have been even more humiliating after I organized the protest march and alerted the media this coming Saturday.

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