by Isobel Allen

Created on: June 05, 2008   Last Updated: October 31, 2008

In general, online dating raises the age-old issues around that have always existed when meeting new people: how much of yourself should you give away? Should you be totally honest about those skeletons in your closet? What if they don't like you as much as you like them (or vice versa)? The anonymity of the online format makes it easier for people to choose to present themselves as someone they're not - but the moral dilemma is the same. How much of 'me' is appropriate when communicating with a stranger? For me - and I met my partner online two years ago - the biggest dilemma was how far and wide to search. The internet offered a global smorgasbord of possibility. Should I really stick to people within 30 miles of my front door? What if 'the one' lived 31 miles away? I eventually chose to limit my search to people in the UK, within 2 hours driving time. It was still tempting not to restrict myself that much - but I figured it gave me a pretty huge searchable zone (I lived pretty centrally in the UK, then). Consequently, I spent 9 months travelling extensively (and being travelled to, as well), and enjoying seeing new cities, villages and towns as well as having the thrill of meeting new people. I dated a couple of men in Wales for a few months (not at the same time...), clocking up a lot of miles in my little car. No-one tells you that internet dating can be bad for the environment! I'd been online for more than a year when I acquired a persistent admirer who didn't quite fit the fairly loose requirements I'd set out. I was 31 - and was happy to hear from men between the ages of 25 and 40. This guy was 41. I'd said I preferred someone without children - he had 2. And he lived in Brighton - just outside the 2 hour 'commuting' limit I'd set myself. His persistence earned him an email that has achieved comedy status in the house we now share: I told him he was temporally and geographically removed - i.e. too old and too far away. But (strange man that he is) he kept sending me messages, until I bit the bullet and drove to Brighton. The rest, as they say, is history. I left my job a year ago to move to Brighton to be with him (he couldn't move because of his kids). It was the best decision I've ever made. So the moral, I guess, is that setting strict limitations for potential online suitors really can limit your chances of meeting someone special. And I'm glad I stepped outside my self-imposed limits to meet the man I want to spend the rest of my life with. As for how much of yourself to reveal online - I'm not sure there's a hard and fast rule. Imagine you're in a bar talking face to face and think about how much you'd reveal to a stranger then. Chatting online is really no different.

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