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If I were to say that I am the perfect wife, would anybody believe me? I can't even utter those words with a straight face. I've been married a very long time and I will say that I have been a very good wife. When we were first married, that was my goal was perfection (a completely unrealistic one). I seriously thought I could be "perfect" and just about drove myself and everyone around me crazy in my attempts.

When I realized it was impossible, I began my quest to be the best wife and mother I could be, because that was my job. I believe I have done it very well. Just to play Devil's Advocate, I have yet to find a perfect husband.

Scenario one is the stay-at-home wife and mother, which is what I have been. This assumes that the husband is out earning the paycheck. It is the old "Ozzie and Harriet" show from the 1950's. When you set your marriage up this way, the wife has certain responsibilities. She does the laundry, cooking, housekeeping, dry cleaning, etc. She doesn't have to greet her husband in sexy lingerie each night with a martini in hand (although I bet he would like that); but she does need to make sure her husband is fed well and kids are happy. The house should be clean and laundry should be done. This is the old fashioned deal of fifty years ago, but for some marriages, it works. It takes a tremendous amount of mutual respect to make this work. A good wife is supportive, loving, kind and understanding. I would say a sense of humor is essential. Without the humor, nothing works.

We live in a stressful world, where the pressure is high to make money to pay the bills. If you spent your day at the mall, while he was in meetings at work, who had the toughest day? Be honest about this and offer your husband the support he will need when he gets home. It's a balancing act of being attentive to his needs, while making sure your own are met. This does not mean the wife should put herself last in the house. You know the old saying; "If mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy." It's absolutely essential that the wife also gets what she wants and needs. Believe me, when you are content and happy within yourself, you will have the marriage that stands the test of time.

Scenario two is the husband and wife both working. The chores are split (assuming they both work a 40 hr week) and when you get home from work, the fun begins.

Yes, I said fun. I am not making light of the workday stresses, but when you get home, you really need to make the effort to shut that off, and attend to each other. Maybe you go out to dinner, or maybe you both take turns in the kitchen. A really good wife will hand her husband a bottle of wine and ask him to open it. Then, the two of them will share a glass and their day with one another.

The point is to be connected and involved in each other's lives, no matter how tired or fried you are. I personally think the days of even asking what makes a perfect wife are over. The question should be what makes a perfect husband and wife? It is not the wife taking care of the husband in most cases. It is the couple taking care of each other.

Learn more about this author, Laurie Miles.
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