by Barbie Bertrand

Created on: June 05, 2008

As I was rating some articles written on this topic I questioned why, as a single Mother, should I be bothered with worrying about whether to have the children buy a card or have them make it. Why at this point in time should I be concerned about how he feels with what the kids do for him on "his" day? It's not my job anymore to let them know their dad is "The best dad ever" or "#1 fisherman". Or is it still my responsibility? Then I realized that although we are no longer a couple we are still parents and we need to ensure that we teach the kids to be respectful of each other (him and I). I could take them to a card store, or go myself, have them sign it and then that's it or..... I could sit down with them and tell them their dad's likes, hobbies and other details I learned while with him. They in turn would draw these, write about them, cut and paste pictures or just about anything. I can just imagine the end result now. The next time I saw the kids they would be filled with stories about how happy their dad was with such a wonderful card. He would question how they knew so much about his hobbies and books he liked to read (the kids are only seven and five). They would tell him "Mummy told us all about you Daddy". In turn he would be surprised and relieved to know that I was keeping our negative feelings about each other away from the children. He would be able to relax the worries he has that his children would love their mother more. He would sleep better that night (and other nights to come) knowing that the other parent had his back when it came to his children. I know that it is hard to be kind to the other person when you didn't divorce or separate amicably, but when we have children together we need to set that all aside and only think of their well-being. Just imagine if we didn't respect each other what would not only happen now but in the future. Thirty years down the road the children would not only harbor negative feelings on Fathers AND Mothers day, they would also teach their children the same. We need to end the cycle before it begins. The effect of this "do-it-yourself Father's day card" would be a father who was grateful from year to year that his children not only knew who he really was from watching him, but also have learned to respect him from a source that was unexpected. He would be able to really celebrate the day because he was given the gift of respect!

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