by Roslyn Ocionnaith

Created on: June 04, 2008   Last Updated: July 27, 2011

I became 56 on a rainy November day. I did not feel like celebrating. I knew I was unfit, over weight, too stressed so really no yummy cake to tuck into. I went on a diet instead. I did not exercise too much, preferring to wait until the weight dropped a little.

Four months later I felt pretty good, having lost not only a couple of stone but gone down 3 dress sizes. I felt ready to exercise so started to jog. I felt breathless but decided that was my fault for being so unfit. After an hour long jog ... I trailed myself home, made a cup of tea, ate a ham salad sandwich with low fat mayonnaise and waited for my heartbeat to return to normal. It did not.

Later on at night, and still feeling breathless I felt a terrible pain in my chest. It took my breath away. I swallowed two analgesics, dragged myself back to bed and waited. The pain did not go away, in fact it got worse and I suddenly wondered if I had also damaged my shoulder. I can remember waking my partner, mumbling that i was sore. Everything went black after that if I do clearly remember seeing both my children smile at me. Neither were there of course. They live on the side of the sea. I remember feeling most uncomfortable and someone I did not know telling me that I was in an ambulance on my way to hospital.

I still don't know how I got into the ambulance in a first place or even out of it. I do remember feeling a little drowsy, told that i had been given morphine then all went black again.

I came to hours later. I had been moved to the coronary unit by then. My partner sat by my bed, looking forlorn. All I could feel were tubes and wires around me. As i tried to sit up I realised that i was wired to a machine. The pain was bearable by then if i felt terribly sick. I had a migraine and realised that i had lost coordination of my movements. I was very sick for 3 days then improved.

I had to pass a fitness test prior to being released and sent home to rest. A specialist told me not to worry. I only had a heart attack! Don't you hate jolly doctors telling you what you don't want to hear? I sure did! As I picked up my prescription on my way home, he assured me that I would him soon again. I decided against.

Back home I decided to recover my own way. I watched what i ate, abandoned jogging for walks and resumed swimming. I made a point of continuing with my diet and accepted that I could not change my stress levels if i could learn to live with them. I started relaxation and meditation. I also tried the 'Stop now' Method. I must admit it did not always work if it did help me concentrate on better things than caused me great stress.

By the time I saw the specialist again, he told me that i looked much better. Heart problem will always be with me if! He admired my progress. I explained to him that recovery was not solely due to medications, proper diet, and little exercise but also stubbornness. This was met with a frown from his part. Feeling good about myself I suggested to him that one heart attack had been bad enough. i did not want another one. I did not fancy another stay on his ward either! I felt happier at home with my dogs thus! I had decided to be stubborn! He had suggested that he would see me again. I had set out to prove him wrong.

I stopped heart medications three months ago. My doctor told me that I did not need them any longer. My doctor has now changed his mind about stubborn patients. Maybe not as a rule if he has finally accepted that stubbornness had indeed helped me. I never thought I would see the day when I would happily proclaim that i was stubborn! Now i do! Change of heart?

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