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10: Be a daughter. Actually, I already am, but my parents took that risk. They decided to be parents and they had me. They gave me everything they could in life, and although I can sneer occasionally and say "they should have done better" the fact is, they, like most parents, did the very best that they could. They deserve something back, to at least know I love and appreciate them.

9: Be a sister. There are all sorts of nice little platitudes about how your sister is your best friend for life. I wish. It's not that my sister and I don't like each other, we just don't get each other. We never spent time doing each other's hair or shopping together or talking about the men in our lives. We live in different states and I shudder when she phones me up, but she is my sister and I want to be there for her.

8: Be a friend. I am, for the most part, a very devoted friend. I don't make friends easily and I don't lose friends easily, either. Nevertheless, I have lost friends. I have had people who were my friends who then began to hate me (and I do not use that word lightly) and hated me until they died. I want to be a better friend to the friends I have now. I want lifelong friendships.

7: Be a mother. Tick. Yes. Done that. Two children, now at that stage where their wings are full-feathered and they are taking small flights from the nest. One, in fact, is now living away from home, working a responsible job and earning his living, though like the fledged magpie chick, still has his beak open for parental handouts. The other is taking test flights from the nest and will no doubt leave within the next year or so. I want to still be part of their lives when their wingbeats carry them far from home.

6: Be a grandmother. Not just in the "I've passed on my genes" way, but in the loving, patient, grey old way of grandmothers. Making up for all my failings as a parent. Holding little hands and guiding them in gentleness and creativity and dirt. Teaching them to cook and garden and play with the dog. Someday. I hope.

5: Be a writer. Ah, my not very secret dream. Have more books published with my name after "by". Have books in book shops. A big display of shiny covers in book shops.

4: Be in control. Sometimes I let other things take over me. I eat too much, I'm lazy. I don't exercise when I know I should. I spend too much money. It doesn't have to be like this. I AM the boss of me!

3: Be responsible. As a parent, as a person, as someone who is sharing this borrowed planet with 6 billion or so others and knows that it won't just take care of itself. That I need to help make a difference. That I need to stand up and make my voice heard when things start to get really stupid.

2: Be politically aware. I think that all too often the politicians forget they are public servants. Yeah. Public servants. That is: they are in OUR employ. Not just doing the jobs for their mates in the big businesses, not just doing it for the money or the kudos, but because we put them there and we are paying their salaries and they need to know that, and they need to do as we tell them, no the other way round.

1: Be loved and loving. And how lucky I am in this. I had never believed I would ever be in this position. When all my school buddies were pairing off, I was going to the cinema all by myself. And then one day I got paired off too, and it was the best day ever. I know how very, very lucky I have been to have found this wonderful person, and I want to be with him for the rest of my life.

Learn more about this author, Amanda Le Bas De Plumetot.
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