by Ted Sherman

Created on: June 03, 2008   Last Updated: June 15, 2008

There are no bad Father's Day gifts. If your little three-year-old son gives you a piece of paper with unintelligible scrawls on at while saying, "I made this just for you. Happy Father's Day, Dad", you've just received a very precious gift. If your 20-year-old GI daughter calls from the airport and says, "Dad, I'm home safe. Happy Father's Day", there's no gift in the world that could top that one.

Of course, if there may be no bad gifts, there can certainly be less-than-good gifts. The first gripe, of course, is about the tried and true necktie. If that's your plan for dear old dad this year, forget it! Not only do few men wear ties anymore at all, but for those who must dress up for the office or some special occasion that requires ties, two or three already in his closet are more than enough to last for years.

And for the clever kids and spouses who believe a funny tie that looks like an explosion in a paint factory would make dad happy, forget the fancy rag. Ties are a throwback to an earlier age, and they never made much sense to begin with. I slaved in offices for three decades, and always reported for work with my tie neatly in place. Within ten minutes, it was either hanging loose or pulled off completely for the rest of the day.

The necktie probably started with the British Navy in the 18th Century. When I was in sailor the U.S. Navy many years ago, during inspections and when off the ship, I wore a big, fluffy black tie called a neckerchief. It was the tradition started by British sailors when they were used to wipe away perspiration while swabbies swabbed, climbed the mast, shoveled coal and did other sweaty tasks. Tradition also said the neckerchiefs could be used to bind up wounds suffered in battle. You know the routine: wooden ships and iron men. If you have a sailor dad in the family, you probably shouldn't buy him a neckerchief. These days, everyone in the Armed Forces wears camouflage fatigues, including officers who used to wear neckties.

Don't buy old dad any cosmetics. You know, they're the unnecessary drug store specials that sit on the shelves all year long waiting for some sons and daughters to grab them as last-minute gifts for their dads. Forget after shave lotion, hair gel, sun block, shampoos, soaps, cologne or other stinky stuff. If you believe he really needs to smell better, just tell him to take more baths. Actually, he'd prefer to buy those toiletry items himself when and if he needs them.

And speaking of useless gifts, unless

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