by Lili Bell Raye

Created on: June 03, 2008   Last Updated: June 09, 2008

Several years ago I went through a terrible time of deep depression. I had just gone through
a divorce, and I was trying to raise my three children by myself. I felt like I had no future,
and no hope, and the years ahead of me seemed to just loom there, waiting for me, but filled
with emptiness and despair. Just like me.

My friends would tell me to get out, get involved, get busy! But I would just retreat into my

little shell, focusing only on my home, my work, and most of all, trying to provide my kids
with a normal family life. Normal...what a word. That's exactly what I was struggling with...
how to be normal again, but I had difficulty defining exactly what normal met.

My friend, Leslie, kept trying to get me to go out with her. "We'll paint the town red," she'd
say, and laugh that goofy laugh of hers. That would make me laugh as well, but just the same,
I'd say no, I wasn't ready yet. So I'd spend my evenings in a book, or sleeping. I seemed to
sleep a lot during that time. A sure sign of depression, I'd read somewhere. Well, I was beginning to live up to that sign, and many others.

Then I stopped eating. I was drinking soda, coffee, and water. I barely ate anything. It was
hard to keep after the kids to eat everything on their plates, when little Christopher would
say, "Why, mom, you aren't eating anything!" Well said. I had no comebacks for his remarks.
I quickly began to lose weight, although I was not feeling well. I always thought when the
pounds went, my energy would be boosted. Wrong!

Then someone from church, a dear little old lady who is no longer on this earth, suggested
I start doing some gardening. She had beautiful flowers in her yard. She was known around
our town for having a green thumb. Her yard was filled with wonderful blazing colors, and it
was always fascinating to look at. You couldn't drive past her home without stopping to take
notice. She told me it was therapy for her, being alone and not able to do much else. One
day she brought me some seedlings and bulbs from her own garden, and even gave me a trowel and
small rake. She told me she would come over and help me get started, if I'd like.

"You can make a beautiful showplace out of your small yard, dearie, and you will so enjoy
it. You will find peace when you are surrounded by the sights and scents of God's beautiful
flowers." She helped me get started the following Monday evening, showing me how to choose
where and what to plant, and how to turn the dirt and fertilize, things I had never even
thought of

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