by Richard Hefty

Created on: June 03, 2008

Do these comments sound familiar?

"It's the thought that counts."
"I don't want anything, just be a good boy/girl."
"Just knowing you love me is all the gift I could ever ask for."
"If you kids don't knock it off, I'm gonna turn this car around and go right back home!"

What do they have in common? That's right. Dad said them. With the exception of the last one they were most likely in response to the question "What do you want for Father's Day?".

Well, that last one was in response to "Daaaaad, Marty hit me in the face with his Power Ranger." But I digress.

As I was growing up, I never could understand why my dad always seemed to defer any chances at getting gifts. I knew he was a generous man, but no man is so generous that he NEVER wants anything for himself. I asked my friends and they said that their dads would say the same thing. It seemed to be an epidemic. Could this really be blamed on the Hula-Girl ties All-in-One Fishing Hat/Tackle Box that they received on previous Father's Days? Nah. Even at a young age I realized that a bad gift never prevented me from wanting another gift at the earliest possible opportunity. Could my dad be that different? Didn't we share the same DNA? Were we both guys at the basest level? Why did he keep claiming to not want anything?!

The answer crystallized once I became a father. Now, speaking from experience, I know that father's are not Super-Saints that don't need any worldly recognition for a job well done. Trust me, deep down we all WANT gifts. We love the recognition. An entire day dedicated to us is an amazing thing. So why do we all still use the same lines our fathers used on us?
It boils down to one reason, and one reason only.

We dads are cheap.

The fact that we're cheap means that we understand when our little cherubs look at us and ask what we want for Father's Day, it's going to cost us. Where is little Joey going to get the money to purchase the 50' plasma screen TV that we REALLY want to ask for? How could darling, little Mary possibly earn the kind of cold, hard cash that is necessary to purchase the FlameMaster 5000 Grilling System that becons on every trip to Home Depot? If it were to happen at all, we're realistic enough to know that the money would come out of our own bank account. Sadly, if WE are not willing to spend the money on us, that means we're not willing to loan it to our children to spend on us.

So, as dads, why do we say that we simply want our children to be good for Father's Day? Because it's free.

Ironically, there's about the same chance of all the kids behaving for an entire day as there is that we'll be cooking dinner on the FlameMaster 5000.

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