by Al Shield

Created on: June 03, 2008

Strap me to the front of my car and drive me head first into a wall, I've done it again. I've watched another Uwe Boll film. Which if you've had the fortune to never cross paths with one, is equivalent to munching on a grenade sandwich without a pin and to make matters worse, the bread is stale.
If you did have the misfortune of sampling one of Uwe's epic disasters such as the much mocked Dracula 3000, rest assured it sure didn't get any better this time around.

Many moons ago I won a copy of the Dungeon Siege video game in a contest and found I was a big fan of the Microsoft hack and slash role playing game. So it was with a glimmer of hope (and obviously not enough prayer) that I thought this might be a fun, albeit brainless bit of enjoyable action.
I'm glad my car insurance has been reviewed because there's the wall and here comes my head after such a stupid idea.

The story revolves around the wittily named Farmer' in the land of Ehb (the brooding Jason Staham who looks out of place in anything but a BMW or a sharp suit in films), a hard working peasant farmer who was adopted by the town of Stonebridge as a child. Not knowing how he came to be or who he really was, Farmer takes to farmer the dirt like a pig takes to...er..dirt. He plants crops, he digs up crops, his best mate does the same, his wife is gorgeous and his son is mightily proud of dear old dad. Yet somehow in amongst the dirt, crops, wife loving and son raising, Farmer seems to be an incredibly deft hand at swinging a machete and a sure thing with a boomerang. Just the first of a cataclysmic chain of plot holes that will have you wondering who you will choose to drive you and your car into the nearest wall when you're done.

Farmer's not so exciting life comes crashing to a screaming halt when the Krug roll through town. A pretty rough knock off of the Urak-Hai from the Lord of the Rings Trilogy, the brainless Krug have now found a voice of reason through the evil magi Gallian who somehow leads them through thought controlled captains. The Krug attack Stonebridge, steal off with his wife, butcher his son, steal all they can and manage to prove how incredibly slow and useless King Konreid (the horribly miscast and completely ineffective Burt Reynolds) and his men are after they turn up much later.

It seems that Farmer's not the only one having dramas in this bog mire of movie making as we soon learn that the King's nephew is a) a complete and utter drunken git who's as useful as a sunroof in a submarine

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