by Emma Riley Sutton

Created on: June 03, 2008   Last Updated: October 31, 2008

Through the years, I have lost many "non-human family members" to death. It never gets any easier, but I have found a few ways to move on. I always have a memorial service (funeral) for my pets. After this, there are things I do to get through the pain and emptiness of loosing my pet.

The memorial service always vary, depending on the pet. Each of these funerals do have several things in common. I always read Proverbs 12:10 from the Bible. This verse reads (KJV), "A righteous man regarded the life of his beast: but the tender mercies of the wicked are cruel." I also always have flowers of some sort to mark the grave. They usually match the color of my pet's collar or favorite blanket. I always bury that favorite blanket or bed (depending on my pet) with him or her as well as their favorite toy and collar. There is a spot in my backyard that is designated as our cemetery. It is under a big tree so there is always some shade. It is almost always my pet's favorite place to be outside. Special friends of my pet are always invited to attend. Many of these funerals have been attended by our veterinarian, our veterinary technician, and other staff members of the veterinary clinic we use as well as staff members and volunteers of the local animal shelter/rescues. Everyone is welcome to say something about my pet or the impact my pet had on their lives. I am always touched by the funny stories I hear from those who also my pet.

After the funeral, I take the time I need to grieve and, slowly box up their toys, leashes and other items that were theirs. I keep the special toys in a different box that is put in our attic. The other toys and items I donate to the shelter or rescue where I adopted them. If my pet was a stray or given to me by someone who knows I take in animals, their things are donated to our local animal shelter or the species/breed rescue specific to them. Sometimes, it takes a few months for me to be able to do this. With one dog that I lost, I made several trips to the animal shelter I adopted her from with her things. I couldn't bring myself to do it all at once.

Twice a year, on the anniversary of their adoption and death, I make a donation of some sort to a shelter/rescue. This is usually something I think my pet would have liked - a replica of their favorite toy or a blanket in their favorite color. I also spend those two days volunteering at the shelter. It helps to remind me of my pet while helping other animals in need.

I also keep a journal about each of my pets. After one of them dies, I usually read that journal or parts of it. I continue to write in the journal, describing my life without him or her and how I feel at the time I pick up my pen. This helps me to work through all the emotions I am feeling and put them to rest, at least for the moment.

I have had too many people mock me for mourning the loss of a pet. They think I take things too far. I disagree. My pets are "non-human family members" and I love each one of them. Mourning them is just as natural for me as it for others to mourn the loss of their human family members and friends. Most of my pets led sad lives of abuse, neglect and/or homelessness before they came to me. I gave them the best life I could and I want to remember that life. Each life was precious to me, touched me in someway, and I need to recognize that. My memorial services and rituals are the ways I do that for myself.

Learn more about this author, Emma Riley Sutton.
Click here to send this author comments or questions.