by Meghann

Created on: June 03, 2008   Last Updated: June 05, 2008

<?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" /> We needed to grow up This I know is true. I am forever grateful though, I got the best part of you. You do the best you could. You can't help how you felt. I diligently prayed for you While on my knees I knelt. I prayed so hard so often For strength and clarity. And then before I knew it I had baby number three. Be careful what you wish for Because you just might get it. Things happen for a reason. Some good, too if you let it. My baby girl, my number three, My missing puzzle piece. My family is completed But I still don't feel at ease. I had spent too many sleepless nights Upset, alone, and worried. He ran when things got a little too real And to his friends he hurried Why wouldn't he just talk to me?Was I as mean as he had claimed? I needed to know he was there for me But instead I just got blamed. I wasted so much time Crying, curled up in a ball But shutting myself off from my kids Was the greatest offense of all. No matter what he had done to me Or how small he made me feel I had become no better than him With my selfishness they were left to deal. Lost in the hollowness of my heart Angry that I didn't know why. Why didn't he want to be with me? For hours I would cry. And then that fateful morning I could feel him arrive. A mixture of anger and relief Another night I survived. I was ready for it to happen As he stumbled through the door. He locked himself in the back bedroom And passed out on the floor. Angry, I started towards the door I knew without a doubt I was ready for the confrontation That had been working its way out. This was the final straw for me As I heard my kids awaken. He ignored us one too many times More than I should have taken. I had watched him turn his back to me As if to smugly say, "I've had my fun, I need some sleep Don't talk, just go away." Feeling the surge of anger Creep up into my face, I wanted to make him feel my pain And put him in my place! I took one step towards the door Just wishing that he saw me A door opened up, her head peeked out She looked up and said "hi mommy." As I came face to face with her My world came to a halt. Everything they have heard and witnessed It wasn't THEIR fault! Ridden with guilt I looked within I was just as guilty as he. My kids had needed their mommy And I was too selfish to see. I broke down and fell to my knees I grabbed her and held her tight. I felt her little year old arms Give a bear hug with all her might. I pulled back and stared into her eyes Oh how much she resembled her father. I smoothed her hair and held her face And I told her how much I loved her. At that moment I made a vow To my kids, soon to be three That mommy would be there for them Whatever the case may be. The trials in their futures Will bring on ups and downs But mommy vows to be there To comfort tears and frowns. I gave up my right to wallow In self pity and depression. But I learned first hand just what it means To love without conditions. I longed for the day he would notice me And the life that we had built. I needed him to make time for us But instead he felt no guilt. God is truly diligent. He finally made me see This man did not define who I am, But my Lord plus my kids equal ME.

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