by Char McClary

Created on: December 27, 2006   Last Updated: May 11, 2007

Getting your children to help out around the house can be a frustrating, uphill battle. There are a few dozen belief systems out there ranging from rewards to threats, anything to teach the kids to pick up their toys, get their laundry in the hamper, and put their dishes in the sink.

My personal beliefs fall somewhere in the middle. I don't believe in giving excessive gifts to a child for doing the bare minimum that a member of the household should do, nor do I believe in threatening to cross their birthday off the calendar if they don't alphabetize their books on their shelves daily. What I do believe in, and what has worked in my family, is fair expectation, consistency, teaching by example and praise.

Fair expectation is extremely important. Just as you wouldn't expect a businessman on his first day at work to know how to run the company, you wouldn't expect a four year old to know how to do the dishes. Realistic expectations for a four year old would be putting her clothes in the hamper, helping mommy or daddy put plates on the table or picking up toys after play and putting them back in the toy box, or on the shelf.

Consistency is also very important. A child who develops the habit of doing a chore regularly makes that regularity a part of their personality. Consistency on the part of the parents makes it clear to the child that no amount of whining or temper tantrums will force the parent's hand. If balking at chores is a problem, consistency will nip it in the bud.

Teaching by example is priceless. Children are born imitators. Just ask any parent who's laughed themselves breathless over their little one putting on Daddy's reading glasses and beaming while picking up the newspaper! If you go about your daily chores with a cheerful attitude (even if you're grumbling inside), your child will pick up on that attitude and your job of teaching them household responsibility will be much, much easier.

And finally, praise. Who doesn't enjoy being praised for a job well done? It gives us that warm, appreciated feeling deep down, and children need to feel that, too. A little (or a lot!) positive reinforcement works absolute wonders on their little hearts. Just as they are born imitators, they are also born being eager to please... show them that they're succeeding!

So when teaching your children responsibility at any age, just remember to keep your expectations fair, be consistent, teach by your own example and heap on that praise. You'll be pleasantly surprised at the results. It may take some time, but in the end, it will be worth it!

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