by Richard Hefty

Created on: June 02, 2008   Last Updated: June 10, 2008

Spring has sprung.

Poets and musicians have written about this beautiful season for ages. One of the finest musical pieces ever written seems to apply to the wonder that is spring time. That's right-once again, the theme song from Facts of Life rings true. You take the good-You take the bad. While we enjoy the blooming azaleas, the Masters, the green grass, the warmer weather, and the arrival of baseball season; we must also deal with the pollen, the allergies, the door-to-door window & gutter salesmen, and the annoying insects.

Now don't get me wrongI fully expect to deal with the usual maddening culprits each year. Fire ants? I've got the granules. Mosquitoes? I've got the Mosquito-deleto (which, by the way, is one of the best product names EVER). Those little inch worms that fall out of trees into your hair? I've got hats. Pollen? I keep copious amounts of Benadryl on hand. But this year, I have been unceremoniously introduced to a new springtime pestone for which I was not prepared.

One evening, as I was playing with my children in the back yard, I saw several large bees hovering around my house. I just figured they were the run-of-the-mill bumblebees. Those are pretty harmless, so I left them alone. That was a mistake. A few nights later, as I was walking out my side door, I happened to look up and noticed a perfectly drilled, half-inch hole right in the middle of the wooden door frame. My first reaction was to go looking for my son. Even though he's just turned 4he has been known to wield the occasional power tool. However, if he had pulled this off, he had also learned how to tote the 6 foot ladder through the house and set it up all on his own. Not impossiblebut highly unlikely. So as I stood there looking at this hole.I noticed another identical hole about a foot to the left. It was starting to look like I had a door frame made of swiss cheese. The fact that I was perplexed must have been evident on my face, because my wife stepped into the room and nonchalantly asked "Checking out the work of the Carpenter Bees?"

"CARPENTER bees?!" I asked. "I've never heard of such a thing! Are you making that up?!"

"Nope, they're basically harmless insectsmore annoying than anything else." she informed me.

At first, my male ego reared its head and questioned whether I would have to turn in my Man Card due to the fact that my wife knew more about insects than I did. Fortunately, it was quickly drowned out by a much more critical concern.

I suddenly wondered why something that only makes holes in wood is given the name "carpenter". Don't carpenters generally BUILD things? Don't they provide a beneficial service to society? Then it hit me.

Let's seethey're basically harmlessmainly just an annoyanceproducing a buzz that seems like it's stuck in your headthey're not hurting anyone.but they're definitely not helping anyone. It was suddenly crystal clear! They are obviously named after that 70's super-duo.THE CARPENTER'S!

Don't believe me? If you ever encounter them, close your eyes and listen closely. As they make your doorframes resemble a good ol' fashioned Wiffle Ball, they're not actually buzzing. They're humming.
"I'm on...top of the world...looking...down on creation..."

Annoying, indeed!

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