As she sat and stared out the window, she tried not to focus her thoughts on any one thing. The sun was shining bright and hot for mid May. There was not a cloud in the sky. Birds were singing and there was the distant hum of lawn mowers in the background. She could almost smell the fresh cut grass, even though she was in the house. She hated this day. For over a week, she had pondered its arrival. Now it was here and it was worse than she thought it would be.
In her heart she wanted to be happy. She wanted to go outside and enjoy the beauty of the day. But she could not bring herself to move from the spot in her room. She sat there silently, speaking only when spoken to. Her heart was heavy and she knew at any moment she might cry. She was not sure how long she could fight back the tears.
Her husband sat down beside her. He put his arm around her shoulder and gave her a gentle hug. She pushed him away. "Don't, I can't do this". She said sadly. "It's going to be okay, honey". He said, trying to console her. "I hate this day"! She growled.
For you see, seven years on this very day, she lost her mother to cancer. She was just 37 years old when she watched her mother take her last breath. It was the day her heart broke. She has tried to get her own life back but today would bring back all the feelings of hurt.
So she sat there trying to hide the pain, knowing it was about to get even worse. She watched and listened as her children they played with each other. She tried to smile at the fun they were having. Slowly it began, just as she feared. Her first born daughter, the love of her life, entered the room. "Mom, have you seen my suitcase"? She tried to move. She tried to speak. She was paralyzed. The emotional wave crashed over her like the unstoppable tide of the ocean. All she could do was point to the closet where the suitcase was hidden.
She watch was her 20 year old daughter packed her things and hurried around getting ready for the adventure of her life. It was almost too much for her to bear. But as a good mother she maintained her composure. She was losing her best friend yet again. First her own mother and now her daughter on the same day only seven years apart. She hated this day.
Soon the time came for goodbyes. Her husband packed the car, while all three of her children said goodbye to each other. She waited as long as she could before with all her might she willed herself from the spot that had held her prisoner all morning. Like lead her feet moved across the room, down the hall and out the door to the place she would have to say goodbye.
Her thoughts swam through her head. What advice could she give? What wonderful parting words could she say that her daughter would hold in her heart forever? Could she hug her tight enough to last a life time? Then let her walk away to start her life as all parents must do. In that instance she remembered leaving home years ago. The sadness in her own mother's eyes, she had witnessed herself at the same young age.
Then she did the second hardest thing she has even done in her life. She took her beautiful daughter's hand in hers. She pulled her away from the crowd, looked into her big green eyes, bushed the hair from her forehead and said, "I love you, monkey. You are the reason I was born. Don't ever let anyone bring you down. Take care of you. Remember always how proud I am of you. Be happy, and know that I am always here for you." With that she hugged her tightly for as long as she could. And when she let go she was sure she heard her heart breaking all over again.
With a kiss and a smile through the tears, her daughter said only this, "I love you, mama, Happy Mother's Day", and walked away. As she watch the car pull away from the curb, she thought to herself. I hate this day.