by Kimberly Shawver

Created on: June 02, 2008

~ Is the day of the "true Dad" gone forever? ~

Once upon a time, Dad's role in the family relationship was very well defined. Dad was around for his children and his wife. Dad would be the true head of the household; not just the money maker, but in many other ways as well. Dad would participate in the teaching of his children, in the training and molding of them for their adult life. Dad would love and support his wife and focus on the "whole goodness" of the family. Money was budgeted for the family's needs and some was set aside to save in case of an emergency. As the head of the household, if something was going wrong with his children or the business of tending his family, he would strive to make it right.

Because of this structure, more households remained intact and children grew to be responsible, conscientious adults. Morals and ethics were highly valued and the betterment of society was taught and practiced.

Today, Dad's role within the family appears to have changed drastically. Instead of being the head of the household, Dads are making their own choices as to what they want to do. The money making may not be their responsibility anymore as wives are in the work-place more abundantly than they have ever been. The upbringing of the children is very often left in the hands of their wives, regardless of whether their wives are working or not, and sometimes day cares and relatives. The business of the family and the household environment is frequently left to women as well. And now, Dad's spending is for what he wants and not what is needed by the family.

The question is, why? Why has Dad removed himself from the responsibility of the family? Why does he not feel that he should be the head of the household or at least participate fully in the family? The answers to these questions may vary quite extensively. Hobbies seem to be the most important thing to men. From hunting and fishing, to football, basketball, baseball, and softball to golf, boating, racing, and so on. These "hobbies" have become their priorities. Gambling in various forms or drinking may be the problem as well. However, it's the man's desires that determine where he will spend most of his time. It's also his desires that determine how money is spent.

Anger and resentment normally result from men being approached as to why they're gone so often or why there is no money for the family. They feel as if they are on a "choke chain" or being treated unfairly if they are questioned or can't participate in their games.

Wives, on the other hand, are supposed to be available to meet the needs of everyone in the family at all times. Why shouldn't the same be expected from husbands, who are also known as their "partners". Having a family and raising children is much easier and better for all involved if both the husband and wife participate equally as partners.

Doing what one wants to do all the time, instead of what is best for one's wife and family, and spending money on oneself and one's wants instead of his wife and family is a very long, drawn-out definition for one simple word: selfishness.

Regardless of the reasons for present-day Dad's displacement from the family and confusion in priorities, it's evident that the day of the true Dad may be gone forever.

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