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day I returned to work I was surprised when a large box came for me with a dozen roses in it. The card was from Tommy and simply read, " I love you, please forgive me, and Happy Anniversary". I had completely forgotten today was our first wedding anniversary. When I got home that afternoon Tommy had dinner on the table, with the lights turned down and candles lit. He smiled at me with that melt my heart everytime grin, and we had a wonderful romantic dinner, then held each other in bed all night.

By the time our second anniversary rolled around the cycles of abuse were becoming more frequent and much more violent. Tommy would be gone for days at a time, and I heard him bragging to his friends about other women he was sleeping with. He would take my car keys when he went out, leaving me walk to work. When he found out I had an extra key made, he ripped wires off the engine so it wouldn't start. One day when it was raining I had a co worker give me a ride home, and Tommy was there. He yelled at her, called her some bad names, then accused us of not being at work that day, and running around looking for men to pick up. He pushed me down in the gravel when I got out of the car, and rubbed my face in the dirt in front of my co worker. My body took the abuse of those rages. Black eyes, busted lips, bruised ribs and broken bones heal completely, but the mutilation of my soul is where the scars were left.

Shortly before our third anniversary I found out I was pregnant. As I stood in the bathroom at work and watched the line turn blue for positive on a home pregnancy test stick, I glanced into the mirror. I saw several fading purple bruises visible at my left cheek under all the make up, and my bottom lip still sore, slightly larger than normal. My face was still that of a nineteen year old girl, familiar to me in spite of the discoloration, but it was my eyes that I didn't recognize. They were almost luminous, deeply sad, cold, and hollow, lifeless to the core.

I heard a voice in my head softly whisper, and felt a presence so powerful I hit my knees in that bathroom and prayed to God for help. I prayed desperately for this tiny life now growing inside of me. I prayed silently, and then I prayed out loud. The tears rolled down my cheeks, as I prayed more, and cried out for the release from this wretchedness in my soul. I don't know how long I stayed there, I just remember the peace I felt when I stood up.

When I left work that day, I didn't go home, there was not a single thing there I wanted anymore.. nothing. I drove to my parents house and told them everything that had been going on. I was surprised to know that they already knew most of it. I had tried to hide things from them, but they had figured it out. I told my mother about my prayer in the bathroom, and she immediately started to cry. She said that she had gone to the church earlier for a woman's Bible study, and had told several of her closest friends about her daughter that was in an abusive relationship. They had spent the morning on their knees, holding hands and praying for me.

The divorce was tough, and Tommy cried for me to come back. I felt a flutter, as the tiny life inside of me moved and I held my ground.

Learn more about this author, Rhonda Erickson.
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