by Selina J

Created on: June 01, 2008

Break-ups are never easy. If they were, "break" wouldn't be a part of the term! Even if you were the one to drop the relationship, there were reasons why you were initially attracted to the other person - and you will miss those things more than you may realize. Of course, if you were the one dumped, or even blind-sighted, the pain is immediate.

However, there are times when a break up can truly be the best thing for you. It definitely won't feel that way at first, but after a while (which may be a few months, for others a few years or even longer) the dust settles and you can clearly admit that getting out of that relationship was for the best.

It is perhaps obvious that the end of an abusive relationship is a wonderful thing. But this is not usually apparent to those involved. For some reason, some women gravitate to abusive men - so every break-up is a chance for them to find a more meaningful relationship.

When I think of break-ups as a good thing, there is one glaring example from my life that comes to mind. I was very naive at the age of 21 - a virgin still - when I met a man twelve years my senior. I got very drunk on our first date and he completely took advantage of me. Instead of simply admitting that I had a drunken mistake and moving on, I tried to make it work with him. We were together for a couple years, and even bought a house together.

When I found out an elementary school friend of mine was in the area, I decided to hang out with her and her friends - a much younger crowd. He became insanely jealous, and one day when I came home, he had smashed every piece of glass in the house - picture frames of my photos, a glass table, glasses, and dropped my aquarium full of fish onto the front porch.

I decided that was IT! He had been very controlling during the course of our relationship, but craziness like that I could not tolerate. I went to the police station and brought back a few cops - who happened to be his friends - to be there while I gathered whatever things I could and left. I took our dog and two cats (who had stepped in glass and were bleeding), and whatever else I could fit in my tiny sports car. I left the state, my job, everything I had - including $4,000 worth of new appliances in the house. In addition, he had access to my checking account, and drained everything I had in there, despite my efforts to cancel his card. Getting my name off of the title of the house cost me several thousand dollars more in legal bills.

Even though he burned me terribly financially, this break-up was absolutely necessary for my life to progress in a positive direction. When I reflect on our time together, there are very few things that I miss - but there are a few, which surprises me. I remember things he said that make me realize that he never really felt like I would stay with him - to him, the break-up was not an "if" but a "when". He was just pushing the buttons to see how far he could go. He had jealousy of the life I would eventually have with another man - which oddly enough, he did talk about at times (pretending to be in jest).

If he knew that I was happily married with two beautiful children, I don't think he would be surprised at all. I couldn't be more happy that he pushed me to that limit - even though it cost me thousands of dollars - to leave the life I knew and move on into the unknown - for it is there that I found my husband and the life I am living.

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