Where do I even begin? In order for this to make sense I have to travel to the past. My grandmother was the one who took and raised me from infancy. I've spent my whole life with her. She was there for all the nightmares, heartaches, physical changes, birthdays, graduations, my wedding and birth of her great-granddaughter. She was there through it all. My grandmother and I were a packaged deal. Every guy who ever courted me knew that when you get me you get her also. I guess in my own naive way I thought she'd never die so when she did I was completely and utterly traumatized.

It was hard watching her die in that hospital room that fateful Wednesday in March. I watched her slip into eternity and there was nothing I could do about it. God's plan was for her to be with him and all I could do is tell her I love her, I'd never forget her and to thank her for allowing me to be a part of her life as she was a great part of mine. I will never forget that day for as long as I live.

I was forced to say goodbye to the woman who really knew and understood me; the one who loved me regardless of the crazy things I did or said; the one who always stood up for me when others wanted to bring me down. She was the one who taught me about life, boys, love and God. It was hard to say bye to the one who taught and showed me everything she knew. I have to admit that a part of me died when she did.

However, I am grateful that she was here long enough to watch me get married and be present at the birth of her great-granddaughter. She enjoyed life and my daughter so much. Her face lit up every time I brought my daughter to see her. She loved people, gardening and giving. I wish to be just like her in these ways.

It's difficult some days because someone will say or do something that will remind me of her. I don't cry as much these days. It's been two and a half months and life has continued, it just hasn't been the same. I miss taking her grocery shopping on Saturdays, getting our nails done, going out do eat and going to church on Sunday. I miss being around her and just talking about current events and life.

I know that it is going to take much more time to be able to deal with her passing. It's going to take much more than two and a half months to deal with a lifetime of memories and a great deal of pain. I allow myself to cry at times then allow myself to enjoy what's around me because I know she wouldn't want me to wallow in tears and depression. I know she'd want me to enjoy life, love, family and friends as much as she did and I try to stay to that.

Learn more about this author, Mari Joseph.
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